I know I'm going to get a lot of abuse here for this, but that makes it even better because it only means I'll have pissed off more Southerners.
I am in the city today and needed to get to the Javits center from Penn. Normally I might walk but it was raining just enough that my hair would have been destroyed. So I cross the street to stand in front of the a large hotel right across from Penn where the doorman is getting taxis. I am standing there and I'm next in line and the guy is getting these four women into a taxi. So a couple waltzes along and the woman goes and talks to the guy, and the plants herself in front of me with a clueless look on her face. At this point I didn't even know she was a Southerner. I just looked at her. She actually has the nerve to smile at me, one of those, where am I? smiles. So I ask her if she's waiting for a taxi. She says yes, and then I hear her voice.
So very nicely, but firmly, I tell her, well I'm next in line. And she puts on this whole southern bell shit show (she is about 55, so really stretching that crap). Oh, is that how it works? My goodness I do not know the etiquette! Inside I am rolling my eyes, but I just say, oh that's okay. And she walks behind me. She then has the temerity to tap me on the shoulder and say, excuse me I work very hard not to be rude (wtf?), I didn't know the etiquette. So now I am getting tired of this show, and I turn around and say very sweetly (and trust me contrary to what has been rumored, I have a very sweet voice), "oh my goodness really? you know for all the places I have been, I have not been down south...they don't have lines there?"
Boy did her face twist up. I mean, she was steaming. Now I am trying really hard not to laugh. What a passive aggressive asshole. She was so passive aggressive it was a bit startling. I bet she thinks butter just won't melt in her mouth though.
So the next taxi comes and asks where I'm going, I say Javitz, he says no, and starts to ask el bitcho where she is going. I know he doesn't want to do the return empty because no one is leaving Javits at this hour, so I say, I'll give you an extra 20. He says get in. I turned around and winked at ole Scarlett. Her mouth was so twisted by now I couldn't not laugh.
I would have paid that guy 100 to make sure she didn't get a taxi before me. I mean, there was no way that was happening.
I am in Javits now and I am still laughing.
When are these Southerners going to get tired of getting their asses kicked by northerners?
