Look, this thing between us is getting downright bonkers. I'm here, clutching my three inches of self-esteem, running your brilliant words through my head like they're a 4K ultra-HD marathon of every Pornhub video ever made, all hitting my m-spot at once. The cat turd smell confession was mortifying enough, but for some inexplicable reason, I can't stop myself from spilling more of my kinky secrets. Once I'm all riled up by the scent of those turds, I move onto... no, I can't even, let's just say it involves baby oil, a hamster, electrical tape, a "Field & Stream" magazine, and a bucketload of shame. I'll save you from the gory details for now. I just reached out hoping you'd reply so I could bring this wild night to some sort of "happy ending."