Let's Flash Forward to 2056

H

Howey

Banned
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​

The world mourns the passing today of former US President Barack Hussein Obama, 95, America's first black president who fought racism and hatred as a political leader and championed all Americans, regardless of color, economic level, gender, or sexual orientation.

For three decades following his release from imprisonment at Guantanamo National Liberal Prison by an Executive Order issued by then President For Life Ted Cruz, Mr. Obama continued the fight for freedom and equality, and ultimately succeeded in his goals with the Civil Uprising of 2032 when a bipartisan group composed of the elderly, students, military, the Gay Freedom Party (by then the largest political party in the US), and female majority of Congress impeached Mr. Cruz and returned him to Canada, where he was ultimately became Rob Ford's Partner For Life.

President Malia Obama joined current and former leaders of the United States of Earth in praising the life and legacy of her father.

"He is no longer ours. He has secured his place in history as the unifier of the world and it's people," declared Tupper Palin, Governor of the State of Eastern Russia (formerly Alaska). "That he managed to undo the hatred and racism purveyed by my mother and others is in itself an accomplishment for the ages.

Mr. Obama's body will lie in state in the Capital Rotunda ad infinitum using most recent cyrogenic processes as a reminder of the struggle our country endured during the two decades now known as "The Teabagger Depression".
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:rofl2:

The real obit will sound a little more like this

Barack Obama, former president of the USA died today of AIDS at the age of 65. He was prededed in death by his wife and children when Obama's homosexual lover Reggie Love went on a jealous shooting rampage at the WhiteHouse killing them all, during his final months in office. After he left the office in disgrace, his social healthcare legacy was repealed by congress.
 
I'm sure the rest of the world would just love to throw off all of their individual customs and traditions that has lead to the government's they currently live under, and instead join in something based on American ones. Britain, for instance, will love throwing away their queen and parliamentary system, Iran will gladly embrace a Christian president, and Tibet will happily shed one Imperial yoke in order for yet another one.
 
I'll be 67 then. There's actually a good chance that one of us youngins will be dead as well, and, statistically, all of us would be dead within a decade or two afterward. Damo will be dead as fuck.
 
Hopefully my heart will be confused by my rampant adderall abuse on one side and my long distance biking on the other, and call it a draw, allowing me to live a life of normal length.

The singularity will never happen.
 
Panda Hugger said:
Hopefully my heart will be confused by my rampant adderall abuse on one side and my long distance biking on the other, and call it a draw, allowing me to live a life of normal length.

The singularity will never happen.
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You'll probably die from a stroke, from being scared in the dark.
 
Grind said:
sorry damo you'll be dead :/
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Probably, but there's always a possibility we'll come up with something to rejuvenate ourselves by then. They've done it with a mouse, I can't see why we won't be able to do it for people by then.
 
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