R.I.P. Ma...

/MSG/

/MSG/

Uwaa OmO
I don't know why I'm posting this here. Almost none of you will care. But it's my own little thing I guess.

If you couldn't guess from the title, my ma died yesterday at around 4:30am. On March 15th last year she was in a horrible car accident that left her with 3 breaks in her neck. It was a miracle she survived that. Afterwords she was somewhat paralyzed from the waist down. Since then she had also been doing physical therapy to try and heal her spine and walk again. She was doing so good, and we all felt she was going to walk in another 6 months or so. Maybe with a walker, but walk none the less.

However on March 15th this year, she found out that she had terminal cancer. We don't know the point of origin, didn't really care to find out. What would it matter? In any case they gave her 6 months at max. That's part of the reason for my reduced posting (if any of you had noticed).

Anyways, I'm not sure what to say. I really wish I could say I'm broken up about it, but in all honesty I'm not. I loved my mom more than anything, but I'm happy she doesn't have to suffer. It just feels weird to me, that I'm not deeply saddened or anything.

Well there's my sob story. Like I said, I don't know why I'm posting it, but I consider some of you guys friends.
 
CaptBillyTheKid said:
I don't know why I'm posting this here. Almost none of you will care. But it's my own little thing I guess.

If you couldn't guess from the title, my ma died yesterday at around 4:30am. On March 15th last year she was in a horrible car accident that left her with 3 breaks in her neck. It was a miracle she survived that. Afterwords she was somewhat paralyzed from the waist down. Since then she had also been doing physical therapy to try and heal her spine and walk again. She was doing so good, and we all felt she was going to walk in another 6 months or so. Maybe with a walker, but walk none the less.

However on March 15th this year, she found out that she had terminal cancer. We don't know the point of origin, didn't really care to find out. What would it matter? In any case they gave her 6 months at max. That's part of the reason for my reduced posting (if any of you had noticed).

Anyways, I'm not sure what to say. I really wish I could say I'm broken up about it, but in all honesty I'm not. I loved my mom more than anything, but I'm happy she doesn't have to suffer. It just feels weird to me, that I'm not deeply saddened or anything.

Well there's my sob story. Like I said, I don't know why I'm posting it, but I consider some of you guys friends.
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That's a really sad story, you have my sympathies for your loss.
 
i definitely empathize. my brother died of brain cancer last year and i sobbed about it on the forum and many had encouraging words. be strong, one thing i learned was that it is strong to cry. so cry if you need to, its a release that relieves the body of tension built up from so many hurt emotions that loss entails.
 
Yurt said:
i definitely empathize. my brother died of brain cancer last year and i sobbed about it on the forum and many had encouraging words. be strong, one thing i learned was that it is strong to cry. so cry if you need to, its a release that relieves the body of tension built up from so many hurt emotions that loss entails.
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I know, I don't have a problem crying. I've cried over far less. But I just don't feel it. That's what's depressing to me, is that I don't feel very sad.
 
CaptBillyTheKid said:
I know, I don't have a problem crying. I've cried over far less. But I just don't feel it. That's what's depressing to me, is that I don't feel very sad.
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for me, it came and went. at first i was just numb. in fact i was pissed. true emotions, imo, are not something we simply command. it is possible you are going through a range of emotions and you don't really know what you feel. on the one hand, i was glad my brother no longer suffered and that made me feel guilty. yet i learned that there should be no guilt in something like this. emotions are strong when dealing with death. you can't ever change death and for some, this feeling numbs them and angers them, and then we feel guilty because we should be balling our eyes out.

don't fall for that, let your true emotions live, not what you think or have been told your emotions should be. your mom would love that.
 
My condolences to you and your family. I'm so sorry about the accident, all her work and I'm sure pain, then cancer. I'm glad her suffering was short, I hope you are well. Word from one that's 'been there,' don't be surprised when all that love hits hard in the coming days, weeks, and months. I think the process is a bit slow, so that we are able to really remember why we loved them so very much. As long as we remember and pass on their goodness, they remain with us.

Peace.
 
My condolences Cap'n. Mine died suddenly a little over a year ago at 78. I was up in West Virginia and out of cell phone contact so didn't hear about it until a day later. Meanwhile my siblings were all down there with her and my Dad and of course I was the shit kid. I wasn't broke up about it either. In fact I did what I planned that weekend and didn't go see my Dad until two weeks later. Heck she was old and not healthy, and she didn't suffer at all. I miss her though and her insights. She wasn't the brightest bulb on the tree but she knew human nature.
 
CaptBillyTheKid said:
I know, I don't have a problem crying. I've cried over far less. But I just don't feel it. That's what's depressing to me, is that I don't feel very sad.
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Don't be depressed, maybe your just feeling the way your Ma would want you to right now. The grief will come in it's own time and in it's own way and right now there's nothing wrong with celebrating her life and feeling good about that.

My sincerest sympathies for you loss man.
 
Sorry for your loss Capt. I loss my dad about a yr ago and though he booked on us when i was 10, I was still very upset when he died. I only had one Dad and remembered the good times. Lean on your wife and be there for your other family members.
 
CaptBillyTheKid said:
I know, I don't have a problem crying. I've cried over far less. But I just don't feel it. That's what's depressing to me, is that I don't feel very sad.
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Cap'in I am so sorry to hear about your Mother. You are sooo young to be without your Mom.

Everyone grieves differently for each person they lose.

Please try to remember that there are many layers to grief and that you are just touching the very first layer of your journey. Hang in ther my friend and DO NOT beat yourself up for not following the typical path of what people commonly think of as the grieving process. It takes a couple of years to process all of the basic feelings most people have and a really complicated relationship can take many years.

I know you are a strong guy and I'm sure your Mom at least in part helped you become the man you are. Shes proud of you and knows you will make the best of your process. Cherish your love for her and her love for you and you will find the path that fits you best. You are making no mistakes and will get through the process the way it best fits you.

Hang in there my friend and I hope you the best.
 
CaptBillyTheKid said:
I don't know why I'm posting this here. Almost none of you will care. But it's my own little thing I guess.

If you couldn't guess from the title, my ma died yesterday at around 4:30am. On March 15th last year she was in a horrible car accident that left her with 3 breaks in her neck. It was a miracle she survived that. Afterwords she was somewhat paralyzed from the waist down. Since then she had also been doing physical therapy to try and heal her spine and walk again. She was doing so good, and we all felt she was going to walk in another 6 months or so. Maybe with a walker, but walk none the less.

However on March 15th this year, she found out that she had terminal cancer. We don't know the point of origin, didn't really care to find out. What would it matter? In any case they gave her 6 months at max. That's part of the reason for my reduced posting (if any of you had noticed).

Anyways, I'm not sure what to say. I really wish I could say I'm broken up about it, but in all honesty I'm not. I loved my mom more than anything, but I'm happy she doesn't have to suffer. It just feels weird to me, that I'm not deeply saddened or anything.

Well there's my sob story. Like I said, I don't know why I'm posting it, but I consider some of you guys friends.
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I'm so sorry, Billy.
 
CaptBillyTheKid said:
I don't know why I'm posting this here. Almost none of you will care. But it's my own little thing I guess.

If you couldn't guess from the title, my ma died yesterday at around 4:30am. On March 15th last year she was in a horrible car accident that left her with 3 breaks in her neck. It was a miracle she survived that. Afterwords she was somewhat paralyzed from the waist down. Since then she had also been doing physical therapy to try and heal her spine and walk again. She was doing so good, and we all felt she was going to walk in another 6 months or so. Maybe with a walker, but walk none the less.

However on March 15th this year, she found out that she had terminal cancer. We don't know the point of origin, didn't really care to find out. What would it matter? In any case they gave her 6 months at max. That's part of the reason for my reduced posting (if any of you had noticed).

Anyways, I'm not sure what to say. I really wish I could say I'm broken up about it, but in all honesty I'm not. I loved my mom more than anything, but I'm happy she doesn't have to suffer. It just feels weird to me, that I'm not deeply saddened or anything.

Well there's my sob story. Like I said, I don't know why I'm posting it, but I consider some of you guys friends.
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It's hard to lose a parent, especially a mother.

It's the living, happy, vibrant and alive mom, prior to the accident and cancer you will miss. All the things that made you smile, and even the stuff that pissed you off.

That's the mom I miss. Not the one of the last 2 years of her life, because it wasn't anything that was alive, vibrant, or happy. Just a lot of memory issues and pain. Death can be a release in so many ways for so many people.
 
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