Science Humor

Wickedjews said:
Two statisticians are out hunting when one of them sees a duck. The first takes aim and shoots, but the bullet goes sailing past six inches too high. The second statistician also takes aim and shoots, but this time the bullet goes sailing past six inches too low. The two statisticians then give one another high fives and exclaim, "Got him!"


A young man was walking down the street when he sees a frog. The frog calls out "Pick me up, pick me up!", so he does. The frog becomes quite excited, and tells the young man "kiss me, and I will turn into a beautiful princess", but the young man does no such thing. Agitated, the frog tries again "Seriously, kiss me and my spell will be broken, I am beautiful and I will do anything for you...". Still the young man looks at the frog, but doesn't kiss it. Finally, the frog gets really impatient "Look, I know I don't look like much, but I am the real deal! Kiss me and I will be the perfect woman for you! Why don't you kiss me?"
The man just takes the frog and starts walking down the street. At the corner, he turns to the frog and says "I am a software engineer, I don't have time for a girlfriend. But a talking frog is really cool!"


Einstein, Newton, and Pascal are all playing hide and seek one day. Einstein is it and begins counting. While Einstein is counting, Pascal scurries off quietly. Newton, on the other hand, plops down on the ground right next to Einstein and pulls out a piece of chalk. He draws a one meter box around himself, finishes, and sits quietly.
When Einstein finishes counting he looks about. Pascal is nowhere to be seen, but Newton is sitting on the ground right in front of him.
"Newton, you brainless moron. You're terrible at this game! You've already lost!" exclaims Einstein.
Newton smiles and replies, "No, I haven't lost. You've found one Newton per square meter...You've found Pascal!"


A room-temperature superconductor walks into a club. The bartender looks him in the eye and says "we don't serve your kind in here." He leaves without putting up any resistance.


It violates causality. Did you hear the joke about the tachyon?


Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?


What is the difference between an Introvert scientist and an Extrovert Scientist? .
.
.
.
.
.The Extrovert Scientist looks at your shoes....


If I were an enzyme I would be helicase so I could unzip your genes
Click to expand...

A Scientist goes hunting and while stumbling around, he happens upon a very well endowed lady who is camping.

The young lady sees the Scientist, takes a blanket out of her tent, and lays it open on the ground.
She then takes off all of her clothes, lays down on the blanket, lifts her legs, and spreads them wide.

The Scientist watches her and then says: "Is this what I think it is?"

The young lady says: "YEP. If you want to, I'm game."
So he shoots her.
 
USFREEDOM911 said:
A Scientist goes hunting and while stumbling around, he happens upon a very well endowed lady who is camping.

The young lady sees the Scientist, takes a blanket out of her tent, and lays it open on the ground.
She then takes off all of her clothes, lays down on the blanket, lifts her legs, and spreads them wide.

The Scientist watches her and then says: "Is this what I think it is?"

The young lady says: "YEP. If you want to, I'm game."
So he shoots her.
Click to expand...

O_o
 
Wickedjews said:
Einstein, Newton, and Pascal are all playing hide and seek one day. Einstein is it and begins counting. While Einstein is counting, Pascal scurries off quietly. Newton, on the other hand, plops down on the ground right next to Einstein and pulls out a piece of chalk. He draws a one meter box around himself, finishes, and sits quietly.
When Einstein finishes counting he looks about. Pascal is nowhere to be seen, but Newton is sitting on the ground right in front of him.
"Newton, you brainless moron. You're terrible at this game! You've already lost!" exclaims Einstein.
Newton smiles and replies, "No, I haven't lost. You've found one Newton per square meter...You've found Pascal!"
Click to expand...

success... that was actually pretty good...
 
Bender Bending Rodriguez said:
I feel so stupid now.... I don't get the Einstein, Newton, Pascal one.....

:(
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a Pascal is the metric system (SI) unit of measure for pressure and it is stated in Newtons/Meter squared. I Newton is the force required to move a mass of 1 kg 1 meter per second squared. So 1 Pascal (Pa) = 1 Newton (N)/Meter (m) squared or 1 Pa = 1 N/m squared.
 
I really hadn't even heard (or didn't remember) what the Pascal was and I could understand that, Capt!

Then again, I definitely knew that a Newton was a measurement of force.
 
I got it, and I suck at science and math.

A neutron walks into a bar and orders a few drinks. When he's done, he asks the bartender, "how much do I owe you?" and the bartender responds, "for you, no charge!!"

Q: What did the chemist say when he found two isotopes of helium?
A: HeHe
 
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Wickedjews said:
I really hadn't even heard (or didn't remember) what the Pascal was and I could understand that, Capt!

Then again, I definitely knew that a Newton was a measurement of force.
Click to expand...
You take college level math. I stopped taking high school math after basic geometry.
 
Bender Bending Rodriguez said:
You take college level math. I stopped taking high school math after basic geometry.
Click to expand...

I took a bullshit math course that even science and math majors couldn't help us with because none of the material was of any relevance to them. I did at least take a chemistry for dummies class that threw a fair amount of chemical equations at me, so I guess it was easier to put my mindset in science equations mode than it was for you...

Oh, and if you stopped taking math after junior year, I guess I did have a year of math on you, since I took a remedial class junior year before I could complete the last required one...
 
Threedee said:
I took a bullshit math course that even science and math majors couldn't help us with because none of the material was of any relevance to them. I did at least take a chemistry for dummies class that threw a fair amount of chemical equations at me, so I guess it was easier to put my mindset in science equations mode than it was for you...

Oh, and if you stopped taking math after junior year, I guess I did have a year of math on you, since I took a remedial class junior year before I could complete the last required one...
Click to expand...
I stopped taking math after sophmore year. It was basic algebra and next it was basic geometry. I hated school, and upon reflection, wish I had tried harder.
 
i will say though, math is gay. I could force myself to be interested in every topic in school, but math was always just so dry and boring. And I fucking HATED GRAPHING PAPER.
 
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