Scotsman Joke

C

cancel2 2022

Canceled
"Hen, this is the cow I make love to when you have a headache."

The wife, lying in the bed reading a book, looks up and says, "If you weren't such an idiot, you'd know that's a sheep, not a cow."

He replies, "If you weren't such a presumptuous bitch, You'd realise I was talking to the sheep, not you"
 
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Southern Man said:
I saw the end of Braveheart last night on the tube. Greatest movie ever made, you English bahstids.
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I love the way that you are beseeching me to check out the history of the Democrats when you spout such rubbish. Braveheart was Hollywood history at its worst.

[FONT=Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]Braveheart takes considerable licence with historical facts wherever convenient. Mel Gibson himself admits on the DVD tracks, "We stuck to history where we could but hyped it up where the legend let us.”
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[FONT=Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]Here are a few facts Mel “hyped.”[/FONT]

[FONT=Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]1. French Princess Isabelle was an infant when Wallace was put to death, so she could not have had an affair with him let alone be pregnant by him.[/FONT]

[FONT=Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]2. The English never practiced “the rights of the manor” in England or in Scotland, so the entire episode with Murron’s being taken away on the night before her marriage is complete invention.[/FONT]

[FONT=Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]3. The movie portrays Edward Longshanks as a terrible and conniving king. In truth, Edward Longshanks undertook a number of reforms during his reign. It was during Edward's reign that parliament began to meet regularly. He was a fine king, and it is a shame to see him so maligned for the sake of “hype.”
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[FONT=Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]http://www.navigatinglife.org/historybusters/id32.html[/FONT]
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http://www.thefirstpost.co.uk/55237...t,mel-gibson-admits-that-braveheart-was-bogus
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Southern Man said:
Earth to Tom: when did The southern Man say that the movie was history? :pke:
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Writer and musician Pat Kane said it was "no surprise that European and American neo-Nazis take [the film] as an inspiration," and added: "Every time the SNP [Scottish National Party] does one of its dumb appropriations of Mel Gibson's neo-fascist tartan epic, even an independence supporter like me sinks lower in his chair."
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Southern Man said:
Well it is inspirational. Almost as good as The Patriot.

Come get some, you Limey BAHSTIDS. :)
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Yep, the Patriot was a bag of shit as well.

Benjamin Martin, the vaguely-named Mel Gibson character in the film, is actually based on a real guy in the Revolutionary War, Francis "Swamp Fox" Marion. Aside from having a more memorable name, there were some notable differences between Mel and Marion. Marion, for example, never single-handedly killed an entire British infantry unit. He did, however, slaughter dozens of unarmed Cherokee Indians and repeatedly raped his female slaves. So, there's that.

http://www.cracked.com/article_15014_11-movies-saved-by-historical-inaccuracy.html
 
tom prendergast said:
Yep, the Patriot was a bag of shit as well.

Benjamin Martin, the vaguely-named Mel Gibson character in the film, is actually based on a real guy in the Revolutionary War, Francis "Swamp Fox" Marion. Aside from having a more memorable name, there were some notable differences between Mel and Marion. Marion, for example, never single-handedly killed an entire British infantry unit. He did, however, slaughter dozens of unarmed Cherokee Indians and repeatedly raped his female slaves. So, there's that.

http://www.cracked.com/article_15014_11-movies-saved-by-historical-inaccuracy.html
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Southern Man said:
Earth to Tom: when did The southern Man say that the movie was history? :pke:
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Southern Man said:
What part of my last response don't you understand Tom?
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I don't frankly understand any of it. The two films you cited are total bullshit historically, overlong and full of Hollywood cliques. I suppose if Braveheart had been made in the 1970s they would have had Bert Reynolds play William Wallace, so we ought to be grateful for that at least.
 
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tom prendergast said:
I don't frankly understand any of it. The two films you cited are total bullshit historically, overlong and full of Hollywood cliques. I suppose if Braveheart had been made in the 1970s they would have had Bert Reynolds play William Wallace, so we ought to be grateful for that at least.
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They were inspirational: the downtrodden overcoming great odds and kicking butt on the slimy aristocracy.
 
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