If you're a woman, your values are probably mostly stupid

Concart said:
I've learned over the years that the best thing to do when you get in one of those spousal arguments is to take a deep breath and listen. Amidst the crazy, there is a takeaway. It can often get lost in the emotion of the argument. Being 'right' isn't winning. Learning from the argument is. My wife is an assassin. She goes right for the jugular. I just stay quiet and try to figure out what she's really mad about. This has served me well. I've learned an amazing amount about her in a short time by staying passive. I'm sure I'll be accused now of not being a 'real man', but I'm pretty sure I'm winning :)
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I've heard that strategy but I've also heard to stand your ground or they loose respect. :dunno:
That incident I the posted to AHZ was kinda the last straw for me. I even put it in a dated note with on my phone to remember.
Once she starts a completely, totally irrational argument I'll say something like, "Here we go again. Arguing over NOTHING." That usually stops it.
If not it depends how I feel. If I don't feel like arguing I leave. Could be a walk, maybe get in the car , go hit golf balls, whatever.
At times I'll stand my ground but I'm kinda done with being passive and listening when it makes absolutely no sense whatsoever. If 100 bystanders hear the argument I described to AHZ, I'd have to estimate conservatively that 100 of them would take my side.
I have an old friend in Baton Rouge I keep in touch with. We think our wives are clones of each other. Some of our irrational arguments are over almost the exact same stuff.
 
anonymoose said:
I've heard that strategy but I've also heard to stand your ground or they loose respect. :dunno:
That incident I the posted to AHZ was kinda the last straw for me. I even put it in a dated note with on my phone to remember.
Once she starts a completely, totally irrational argument I'll say something like, "Here we go again. Arguing over NOTHING." That usually stops it.
If not it depends how I feel. If I don't feel like arguing I leave. Could be a walk, maybe get in the car , go hit golf balls, whatever.
At times I'll stand my ground but I'm kinda done with being passive and listening when it makes absolutely no sense whatsoever. If 100 bystanders hear the argument I described to AHZ, I'd have to estimate conservatively that 100 of them would take my side.
I have an old friend in Baton Rouge I keep in touch with. We think our wives are clones of each other. Some of our irrational arguments are over almost the exact same stuff.
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I suppose it depends on the person, but my wife always ends up apologizing for her over the top attacks. And then we talk about what the message was. I'm probably very lucky to have someone who is willing to self reflect. And believe me, it isn't easy to hold my tongue. But I know where that leads if I don't. I'm not the first husband... or the second... but I'm the first to listen. For me, it's worth it. If your partner isn't willing to self reflect (and you as well), arguments are toxic. Ours have ended up being constructive. But I feel you. What you described is simply nuts.
 
Concart said:
I suppose it depends on the person, but my wife always ends up apologizing for her over the top attacks.
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I've never received an apology for anything, ever. Not once. You're lucky.
I do think about divorce a lot. If my wife suddenly said, "I want a divorce." My answer would probably be, "OK".
 
anonymoose said:
I've never received an apology for anything, ever. Not once. You're lucky.
I do think about divorce a lot. If my wife suddenly said, "I want a divorce." My answer would probably be, "OK".
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Sorry to hear that. I am incredibly lucky. I found my person later in life. We both value our relationship, and we are willing to work at it. But I've been where you are. It sucks.
 
you're fucked if you think about.

fending off over the top attacks?

having to figure out what is REALLY the problem?

you guys are just trying to minimize damage.
 
I think after 7 years it just starts to disintegrate. you know too much.


familiarity breeds contempt.

totally true.


7 is the time a kid gets basically able to run and forage.

it's so evolution.
 
...that could change with equality and equal protection of the laws for unemployment compensation. Having rational solutions creates more market friendliness.
 
anonymoose said:
Too many to remember. This was the latest.
Me and the Mrs playing golf together riding in a golf cart.
Wife's phone ring, she answers. She gets out of the golf cart and her water bottle tips over and spills.
After the phone call she yells at me for spilling her water. "I didn't spill your water, it tipped over when you got out of the cart" I answer.
Escalates.
Finally she yells very loudly, "Are you calling me a liar!"
I've had enough. I take my clubs out of the cart and walk back to the house (we have one on the 9th tee box). Wife continues playing alone for 9 more holes.
Many times I ask myself why I don't have the courage to divorce.
Then she gets home, acts like nothing happened, cooks dinner, drinks a beer with me.
This is a bipolar person I'm dealing with.
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Pretty sure Bi polar is the natural condition of all women. Least every one Ive ever been involved with. :cool:
 
anonymoose said:
Too many to remember. This was the latest.
Me and the Mrs playing golf together riding in a golf cart.
Wife's phone ring, she answers. She gets out of the golf cart and her water bottle tips over and spills.
After the phone call she yells at me for spilling her water. "I didn't spill your water, it tipped over when you got out of the cart" I answer.
Escalates.
Finally she yells very loudly, "Are you calling me a liar!"
I've had enough. I take my clubs out of the cart and walk back to the house (we have one on the 9th tee box). Wife continues playing alone for 9 more holes.
Many times I ask myself why I don't have the courage to divorce.
Then she gets home, acts like nothing happened, cooks dinner, drinks a beer with me.
This is a bipolar person I'm dealing with.
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Have you considered giving up golfing (with the wife)?

I've been with my GF for 14-15-16? (I tell her it feels like forever, she slaps me) years.
We never talk politics (she's a Dem), or she prolly would be looking for a new place to live.
That said, we get along rather well and do things together, but each have free roam with
our friends. She goes out to dinner with her friends, I shoot pool with mine, to name two.
She takes good care of me, and I must her (she's still here), so I can't complain, and don't.
Being retired, I have her dinner ready when she gets home from work if we don't go out.
Of course, women are on a different wavelength than men, I think we can all agree!

BTW, divorce doesn't take courage. It takes a lot of money (believe me!)...
 
RB 60 said:
Have you considered giving up golfing (with the wife)?

I've been with my GF for 14-15-16? (I tell her it feels like forever, she slaps me) years.
We never talk politics (she's a Dem), or she prolly would be looking for a new place to live.
That said, we get along rather well and do things together, but each have free roam with
our friends. She goes out to dinner with her friends, I shoot pool with mine, to name two.
She takes good care of me, and I must her (she's still here), so I can't complain, and don't.
Being retired, I have her dinner ready when she gets home from work if we don't go out.
Of course, women are on a different wavelength than men, I think we can all agree!

BTW, divorce doesn't take courage. It takes a lot of money (believe me!)...
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Ahhhh, what a nice guy. I bet she appreciates your thoughtfulness.
 
RB 60 said:
Have you considered giving up golfing (with the wife)?

I've been with my GF for 14-15-16? (I tell her it feels like forever, she slaps me) years.
We never talk politics (she's a Dem), or she prolly would be looking for a new place to live.
That said, we get along rather well and do things together, but each have free roam with
our friends. She goes out to dinner with her friends, I shoot pool with mine, to name two.
She takes good care of me, and I must her (she's still here), so I can't complain, and don't.
Being retired, I have her dinner ready when she gets home from work if we don't go out.
Of course, women are on a different wavelength than men, I think we can all agree!

BTW, divorce doesn't take courage. It takes a lot of money (believe me!)...
Click to expand...

sounds good, man.

Things can be good, apparently!
 
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