I wanted to thank the first part of your post and groan the last......except for cases threatening the health of the mother, adoption IS always an option and certainly preferable to killing some other little girl who may have been just like your granddaughter.....
With all due respect good brother, you seem unaware of a different perspective that you should consider .. that of the birth mother. I sat in on two of the phone conferences that my daughter had with the adoption agency, a lawyer, and the birth mother. I was moved to tears by the obvious pain and trauma the birth mother was experiencing. It is an experience that neither you nor I can ever truly understand.
Consider this ..
I can't speak for anyone else but I can tell you my reasons for choosing an abortion instead of adoption.
#1: in order to give your child away to strangers, you must first be willing and able to continue the pregnancy to term. Many women, including myself, are unwilling or unable to continute a pregnancy to term. My pregnancy was ectopic which put my life in jeopardy. My choices were die or have the pregnancy removed.
#2: the adoption system, in my limited experiences, seems like a warped ebay system where white, healthy pregnant women are given money, clothing, and gifts (as long as the baby will also be white and healthy - bonus points/items/cash for blonde hair or blue eyes) for their infants while the state grudgingly takes the infants who do not fit into that category. The waiting line for someone to adopt a healthy, white infant is over seven years long (on average) while other children languish in the foster and public adoption system. Couples are .N.O.T dying to adopt "any" baby, they are dying to adopt the "perfect" baby and if you're pretty sure you won't be having one of them, your child will have less of a chance of being adopted and properly cared for. I could not live with myself knowing that my own child was being neglected because it did not fit someone elses perception of "perfection." when couples "dying to adopt" start adopting the hundreds of thousands of children waiting for good homes, then i'll reconsider my position.
NOTE: Zoe' is a mixed race child and the agency was up front with everyone on the chances that she would be adopted into a health home in a reasonable amount of time. They were up front about the differences in the adoption of a healthy white child as compared to a mixed race child born prematurely. Before you believe that adoption is always possible, you should study the adoption system.
#3: I would worry, constantly, about the child that I gave away. Are they still alive? Are they being well cared for? Etc. And while an "open" adoption is supposed to fix that problem, many women who have given children away report that their so-called "open" adoption quickly closed when the other couple assumed possession of the child. Which also means that you never really know the people you're giving your own flesh and blood to.
NOTE: Hence my comment about adoption often being as traumatic as abortion. You cannot ignore the horror stories of many adopted children. Imagine living the rest of your life wondering if the baby you gave away is living in a horror story?
#4: in order to give a child away (in most states) both parents must sign away their rights to the child. If your partner decides that he doesn't want you to give away the child (even if he, himself, cannot offer the care that the child needs) and refuses to sign his rights away, the adoption falls through and you are then stuck with the child that you couldn't take care of in the first place. Until the laws are changed to fully protect the birth mother in this situation, I cannot support the current adoption system.
#5: many adoption agencies and adoptive parents lie to the birth mother because they are afraid that she will change her mind at or shortly after the birth (which she has every right to do). They threaten to sue her (which they can't) or they arrange to take possession of the child before they are legally able to do so.
#6: many women who choose an abortion do so because it gives them closure to the crises situation of an unintended pregnancy. An adoption, however, does not bring closure, only a lifetime of doubt, wonder, and worry.
#7: I would not choose adoption because I could not. I could not give a child away to strangers or to other family members. I don't know the strangers and I know the family members too well. If I am pregnant and cannot afford to keep the pregnancy or the resulting child, then I would choose an abortion.
http://ehealthforum.com/health/topic69457.html#ixzz2XPs9IaVV
You should not assume that you are more caring about the life of a child than the mother who has found herself in a precarious and devastating situation that has few clear solutions.
I seriously disagree with the term 'killing.'
Again, I say this with respect brother.
