Sometimes I think of how terrifying it must be for someone to point a gun at your head. Or you watch a random execution video, and you try to put yourself in that persons shoes. What is it like to be the one man in the room who is about to have the lights go out, and everyone else is going to continue on without you?
And then I remember, holy shit, I DO have that gun pointing at my head. We all do. Given that I am still in the early part of my life, death seems so far off, so distant, completely unreal to me. But we all know death is in fact, a certainty. There is no escaping it. I am that man in the room... and when I die, billions of people are going to keep on living their lives, perfectly content, for the moment.
I don't know what bothers me more, dying itself, or knowing that one day I will be the odd one out - that my time will be up. That it will be me in the casket, condemned to my cold dark hole in the ground, erased... while everyone else gets to go on living. And sure, I am sure I'll get a nice little eulogy, but for every person at my funeral there will probably be 4 others that are just ho-hum about the whole affair, attending merely for moral support for those closest to me. They'll go on with their lives perfectly fine the very same day. Maybe if I am lucky people will tell stories about me around the holidays. Yet slowly but surely, the memories I have imparted onto people will become faded with time.
We have always stood on the shoulders of giants to exalt the species, billions sacrificing themselves for the greater achievements, knowledge, wisdom, power, technology, and education of our future children. I won't even be a footnote. Humankind won't even expend the energy to shrug over my death. "Honestly", they'll all think . . . "What's one more?"
And then I remember, holy shit, I DO have that gun pointing at my head. We all do. Given that I am still in the early part of my life, death seems so far off, so distant, completely unreal to me. But we all know death is in fact, a certainty. There is no escaping it. I am that man in the room... and when I die, billions of people are going to keep on living their lives, perfectly content, for the moment.
I don't know what bothers me more, dying itself, or knowing that one day I will be the odd one out - that my time will be up. That it will be me in the casket, condemned to my cold dark hole in the ground, erased... while everyone else gets to go on living. And sure, I am sure I'll get a nice little eulogy, but for every person at my funeral there will probably be 4 others that are just ho-hum about the whole affair, attending merely for moral support for those closest to me. They'll go on with their lives perfectly fine the very same day. Maybe if I am lucky people will tell stories about me around the holidays. Yet slowly but surely, the memories I have imparted onto people will become faded with time.
We have always stood on the shoulders of giants to exalt the species, billions sacrificing themselves for the greater achievements, knowledge, wisdom, power, technology, and education of our future children. I won't even be a footnote. Humankind won't even expend the energy to shrug over my death. "Honestly", they'll all think . . . "What's one more?"
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