...and I agree with nearly all of the above. Without being Tipper Gore about this, we are not forced to accede to the sex, drugs, and rock n' roll, though that seemed a good idea in my youth.
Truth is, people, especially children were better off with the mores of our grandparents, (again, that doesn't imply they didn't have premarital sex or there weren't illegitimate births, but because it was considered 'wrong', people went out of their way to not get caught.)
Leaving aside my plan to change our current culture, let me don my teacher hat and see where today's parents may be going wrong. First off, I'm hoping it's beginning to turn around, though that's really going out on a limb here, at least anecdotally, our first grade class this past year is the first time I've seen a likely group of 6 year olds as jd's in the making. *sigh*
Being the offspring of parents born in the 1920's I'd say like many, my brother and I wanted for very little. My dad returned with his purple heart from Omaha Beach and my folks married. By the time they had me, (after having my older sister, who had Down's), they had bought a house in a pretty nice Western suburb of Chicago. My sister had been placed in a home from the hospital, which my mom really never got over blaming herself for. That became worse when in the 70's mainstreaming became more prevalent.
My brother and I participated in any activities of the park district, schools, YMCA that we wished. Christmas was an orgy of bikes, toys, games, clothes, etc. We did have the example of my folks working, they didn't have unlimited income, but with only two kids, we really wanted for nothing. While my parents had high expectations for us, they weren't particularly strict. We got away with and pulled a lot of stunts. They did however make us work for our spending money by the time we were 14. I guess the depression was not unacknowledged.
Both my brother and I have been much more strict with our kids. While we were dating, drinking, etc. from about 15 on, well not our kids. I think we realized how much trouble even 'good' kids can get into, without parents knowing. Almost from leaving toddlerhood, they had to earn extras. Good grades were expected. Work was expected, unless they were in extra curricular activities. College too was expected, not an option. That may have been a mistake.
While my parents were not college educated, the town I grew up in was highly skewed towards college educated homeowners. Even back in the 60's the 'head of household' was 80% likely to have a college degree. I think I lucked out, for all my parent's nods at leniency, they would not tolerate and made that clear, drugs or serious disrespect for adults or the law. You'd be surprised how many of my friends' very educated parents thought it was good for their children to stand up against teachers and police. Now these were good people, they just bought into the idea that challenging authority, including themselves, would make for stronger children. It didn't really work out that way. Thought they did get themselves, 'educated.' I don't have any 'childhood' friends that didn't graduate college, most with master's and doctorates.
Many of my friends have had serious problems with parenting. Several of their children have dropped out of school, yes they did return and graduate, but not without lots of heartbreak. Several have eating disorders, two have been involved with 'cutting' themselves. Two have tried to commit suicide.
In a way I think my own kids lucked out with our turbulent homelife, though I certainly wouldn't have hoped for such. Out of necessity for two years I worked an average of 80 hours per week. My oldest at that time was in her second year of high school, the youngest in 6th grade. They had to step up and get things done around the house. They had to get themselves off to school and to their own jobs or sports events. I couldn't be the soccer mom and they really were forced into self-sufficiency and self-control.
Those last two things, sufficiency and control are missing from too many of our youth, nay even adults. Because they haven't had to exercise either, they don't know how. They actually panic when told they need to be accountable-at home, school, work. They haven't had to and do not know how. In effect, we've created a generation that doesn't know how to be mature, much less parent.
Way back at the beginning I said that I'm hopeful things are starting to turn around. I think there are signs of that. Many parents of the students I teach are beginning to hold their kids accountable, rather than blaming the school, teacher, or other students. That wasn't true 5-8 years ago and it's not true of all parents, but it appears to becoming more common place. I've actually had parents asking why I don't assign more homework.
Truth to tell, I think I assign enough with what they do in class, but it's nice to hear parents that want their kids to work.
I teach in a parochial school, most of the parents are affluent, however most are blue collar business owners, not college educated. They don't necessarily want their children building houses, roofing, or cutting stone. They have the money to send them to the best schools and they don't want them working too hard. They'd rather they work smart.
While the school demographics haven't changed much, somehow the idea that one can get into elite schools without work has. Now it may be anecdotal to my school, the sociologist in me keeps rearing up with this. Several students from my first few years of teaching were given scholarships to Yale, Stanford, and NY University. They were kids that were brilliant, but also had a work ethic. They have become somewhat leaders to many of the parents. When asked what set them apart from their peers, I have to answer, 'they worked. They sought out and accepted challenges above and beyond the normal workload.' How many 7th graders would work through "Democracy in America"? The kid that got into Yale did.
In high school these were kids that took AP courses at every opportunity and still found time for sports and service. We're not talking about the norm, we're talking all state and developing programs from scratch. To help the homeless or to teach English to immigrants. This type of work takes hours of time and an abundance of self-discipline.
It may well be that the generation stuck between the baby boom and their children, will be the saviors of our culture. A working thesis this is.
