My car crapped out so I gotta walk home. Unfortunately there are Surenos on my block that are so-called "nigger killers" I'm thinking about bringing my .45 ACP. The only thing is I don't want to kill nobody especially some kid. I know tonight if I get approached I will drawn down and just put two in their head without warning.
Yes I could ask a coworker a ride home but sometimes they just want to go straight home. Taxi drivers will upsell me if though I literally live two blocks
Might I suggest moving to a new neighborhood?
We have a gang where I live. They're called "The Actuaries". You have to be a CPA to join. They are often in conflict with their cross town rivals, "The Anal Retentives" who are also known as "The Chamber of Commerce". The Actuaries are actually a lot smarter than the Anal Retentives but the Anal Retentives just simply can't believe that it's humanly possible for anyone to work harder, be more productive or smarter than a small business man.
The Actuaries are actually well liked around here for the obvious reason. You can count on them...and they count on you...literally. The Anal Retentives are despised as they consist almost solely of pasty middle aged sexually repressed white guys who see any form of community support or subsidies for anyone but small businessmen as creeping socialism.
The Actuaries have actually been trying to destroy the Anal Retentives for a long, long time but have actually failed. Mainly cause the primary weapon The Actuaries actually use are facts. Which, as we all know, Anal Retentives are almost completely immune too. Well that and they only have to eat once a month because, well, because they're anal retentives. This makes them pretty hard to kill.
The goals of the two gangs are different too. It is any Anal Retentives goal to become a great corporate executive. Which never happens because they are Anal Retentives and not psychopaths. It is actually the Actuaries goals to avoid or minimize risk, which is why they have never been able to defeat the Anal Retentives.
Every once in a while the conflict between the Anal Retentives and the Actuaries will actually boil over and they go to war with each other. They fight in a ritualistic form of combat in which they swing elongated phallic symbols at little white balls that represent their manhood while consuming a courage enducing beverage known as "a Martini". This ritual form of combat takes place in a unique battlefield known as "A Golf Course".
In these battles it always seems as if the Anal Retentives are going to humiliate and defeat the Actuaries.....but unlike Anal Retentives....you can actually count on the Actuaries!