Pressure

LadyT said:
I don't think I'd want to quit my job. Even if my fiance/husband was making $500k. He'd have to effectively be rich before I'd even consider it to be honest. And I have to say, I'm pretty suprised that you quit your job even after a great deal of coaxing. You love to write and you're good at it, what did he tell you to convince you to do it?
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I was not the writer I am today. Well, I was, but I did not know it. Everyone always told me I was talented, but I never did much with it. He convinced me that since my salary was a joke, it would be better for me to stay home and “take care of things here”. I don’t even remember why I did it, I think it was because I thought, wow he’s right, my salary IS a joke. How stupid of me to even go to work and pretend I have a real job.

The turning point came for me when I got something published in our local paper. Our local paper is Newday, which has a national presence, and it’s not an easy place to get published. I was very excited. I asked Jim three times during the day if he had stopped and gotten the paper yet, and he said no he hadn’t had time. When he got home that night, I showed it to him, and he barely read it. I was sooo crestfallen.

Believe me, getting out of that was the best thing I have ever done. I have earning power today I never imagined I could have, and I’ve done things I never thought I could do. And I learned that the ability to draw a high salary is not necessarily a trait that is compatible with other traits I look for in a mate. And today, what a guy earns is not something I have to concern myself with. That’s really important.
 
I have to say, if the roles were reversed and my husband was a stay at home dad, I'd honestly expect the house to be spotless and my meals and drink awaiting me when I got home. If the house was a mess, I think I'd be pissed.
 
LadyT said:
I have to say, if the roles were reversed and my husband was a stay at home dad, I'd honestly expect the house to be spotless and my meals and drink awaiting me when I got home. If the house was a mess, I think I'd be pissed.
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Yeah, and that’s why no matter how you cut it, in a way, you’d be his boss. He would have to please you, or there would be problems. This is not an equal relationship, and I chaff at those confines, but…it does work for some, and very well. Again, I did not have babies to concern myself with, nor even to keep me busy. It’s very different.
 
Darla said:
I was not the writer I am today. Well, I was, but I did not know it. Everyone always told me I was talented, but I never did much with it. ........... Believe me, getting out of that was the best thing I have ever done. I have earning power today I never imagined I could have, and I’ve done things I never thought I could do. And I learned that the ability to draw a high salary is not necessarily a trait that is compatible with other traits I look for in a mate. And today, what a guy earns is not something I have to concern myself with. That’s really important.
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Well, if he wasn't encouraging you to realize your dreams and potential, I'd say it was definitely the right thing to do then. I have to agree, I'm not bothered by how much a guy makes. If my boyfriend took a job earning just a quarter of what he makes now, I don't think that would change the way I feel about him or the level of respect I have for him. I don't understand women that are like that. I understand you may want lots of things, but if you want lots of things get a job where you can earn money to pay for lots of things.
 
I don't think there are "bosses" in a relationship. If two people choose to have one be a stay at home person while the other person works that's the agreement that they have.

I know that personally I would not be a good wage earner if my stay at home husband kept the house filthy. That's the one thing that would eat at me the most. People really have to know each other and establish expectations ahead of time before going into something like that. And naturally the stay at home partner has to be occuppied with either kids or something to fill up their time. That would be cause for tension in the relationship too.
 
Darla said:
I was asking Chap how he saw it, and he got that, I wonder why you didn’t? Maybe because you like being a penis to me?
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Probably. :D Or it could be the suggestion that Chap was a knuckle-dragger who would think that he was the boss of it all because Gawd Said So...

However, it could be because my wife chooses to stay at home with the kids. I don't like people thinking I'm some sort of slave trader because we chose to have a parent stay at home instead of paying somebody else to care for the kids. I've always been stunned at those who cannot see the value in it considering they seem very willing to pay others for it. It doesn't make me her boss, and I value every moment of what she brings to the family.

Of course, had I made less at the time of birth I'd be the one who got that privilege...
 
Damocles said:
Probably. :D Or it could be the suggestion that Chap was a knuckle-dragger who would think that he was the boss of it all because Gawd Said So...

However, it could be because my wife chooses to stay at home with the kids. I don't like people thinking I'm some sort of slave trader because we chose to have a parent stay at home instead of paying somebody else to care for the kids. I've always been stunned at those who cannot see the value in it considering they seem very willing to pay others for it. It doesn't make me her boss, and I value every moment of what she brings to the family.

Of course, had I made less at the time of birth I'd be the one who got that privilege...
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Take it up with Chap. I personally don’t’ give a shit what other people’s wives do even if it IS staying home and watching “operas”. You are stereotyping me, I’m not stereotyping you, so get off the box.
 
LadyT said:
I don't think there are "bosses" in a relationship. If two people choose to have one be a stay at home person while the other person works that's the agreement that they have.

I know that personally I would not be a good wage earner if my stay at home husband kept the house filthy. That's the one thing that would eat at me the most. People really have to know each other and establish expectations ahead of time before going into something like that. And naturally the stay at home partner has to be occuppied with either kids or something to fill up their time. That would be cause for tension in the relationship too.
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yeah it starts out that way, but inevitable in most all relationships one will emerge as the boss. Just human nature.
And from the studies I have read for those who stay married, the boss is the woman.
 
Darla said:
Take it up with Chap. I personally don’t’ give a shit what other people’s wives do even if it IS staying home and watching “operas”. You are stereotyping me, I’m not stereotyping you, so get off the box.
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Which was the point of my post, it was a quip based on the question you asked Chap.

You wanted to "see" if he thought something. I turned that back. That is all.

You read way too much importance into my posts.
 
uscitizen said:
yeah it starts out that way, but inevitable in most all relationships one will emerge as the boss. Just human nature.
And from the studies I have read for those who stay married, the boss is the woman.
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There are plenty of men who call all of the shots. I know a couple, and I knew them VERY well, where the guy owns his own business and makes a lot of money, we’re out of the six figure territory there. And his wife stays home.

If I went into details of that relationship, you wouldn’t believe it anyway, because you have a bitterness towards women. She has ZERO power though, and he doesn’t’ even bother coming home most nights. She doesn’t like it? To quote Dick Cheney, “So?”

There are millions of stories out there and everyone is different, and gender is not really the issue. The issue is the particular two people involved. As long as you can find something that works well for you, who cares what someone else, or anyone else, would do or thinks is better? I don’t.
 
I will have to dig up the studies I guess.

I am not sure trophy wives of the ritch figure into the equation though.

And on the bitterness issue, I think we all have some of that after a few rounds.
 
uscitizen said:
I will have to dig up the studies I guess.

I am not sure trophy wives of the ritch figure into the equation though.

And on the bitterness issue, I think we all have some of that after a few rounds.
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I don’t. Some men are pricks, and I’ve known a few. Some are amazing. Just absolutely amazing.
 
I know where you were going darla.. and my point is pretty simple.. If shes not doing her job.. aka.. kid being appeased with movies all day with limited interaction, house always disastrous, unhealthy dinners every night, laundry always on backlog..

Then I would say that it would make more sense for her to work for the income.
 
Random Information People Don't Care About alert:

I think we're probably going to have a live in Nanny (a fat and ugly one of course).

You can get them for about $13k a year. If you give them a car and pay for insurance, it works out pretty well. You'd probably end up spending like $22k on total childcare costs, and they usually will clean up after themselves and the kids so its not like you come home to a complete mess. If you're spouse is making at least $55k a year, it makes it well worth it in my opinion. Plus, you can have someone clean your house for like $75 each time.
 
I Never thought I would stay home with the kids. I infact was terrified to end up trapped at home. When I got preggers my thoughts kinda changed and I thought hey I can do this for a couple of years to make sure the baby is well taken care of. This nesting thing kicks in (I know girls but the hormones are real, Just wait till you breast feed and you will know what peace on earth really feels like) and you want the entire enviroment arround your child to be perfect. My house was spotless and I taught myself to recover furniture. I was in bliss even in a rented house. Then we bought our first house and it was a little bit of a fixer. I then turned to making it a perfect enviroment by landscaping , painting, refinishing furniture and constant scrubbing. All they while I creating a mommy and me group and doing all the kid things with the neighborhood kids. They were always at my house.

I know it may sound like all there is to do when you stay at home is to eat bon bons and watch Dr Phil but when there are kids involved there is a million things to do and think about. Teaching kids to deal with each other in a kind and fair manner really reduces mankinds interactions to a oh so basic form that it really makes you think. You have to work at reducing it to the level of the kids you are dealing and every year they are able to (and need to) hear it in at a graduated level. There are kids walking this earth that dont even know me any more who will hear my words in their heads when they deal with the world. To me there is no greater honor. Teaching is the greatest honor. I was never a formal teacher but to the kids I helped that fact that I was not paid means nothing .
I seriously never thought I would love it as much as I did. But I will never think of it as wasted time. I helped some kids who would have been otherwise ferrel because both parents needed to or just desided to work.

It is an honorable job and entails much more than many people want to think it does.It really reguires you put your ego on a shelf and truely think in terms of doing what is good for someone else which will effect them the rest of their life. In this world I think we have lost some of the ability to think this way. You can truely find your real self through sacrifice for others.
 
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