Pressure

[TexasMeg]

from the inside

I am logging in for the first time after spending my morning cleaning up stuffing from a mattress that my son decided to pull out all last night..This also means I will be going out soon and buying a new mattress for him. This is my second year staying home with my twins and it is BY FAR the hardest job I have ever had. I am going with chap here in saying, yes I do feel I am self employed. I take pride in my job with my kids and my home. That being said, however, I also feel I am, in an odd sort of way, my husband's boss. He KNOWS my job is way harder than his and it's never ending. He admits he could never do it...hell he can't even handle it for a day. There are times when I feel bitter toward him for not doing more. It is a source of major conflict around here because he feels like he is off duty once he leaves the office or the classroom (he's in grad school). I feel like if I am still working than he should be on my schedule as well.

Remember the bitterness can go both ways

 

[Damocles]

Random Information People Don't Care About alert:

I think we're probably going to have a live in Nanny (a fat and ugly one of course).

You can get them for about $13k a year. If you give them a car and pay for insurance, it works out pretty well. You'd probably end up spending like $22k on total childcare costs, and they usually will clean up after themselves and the kids so its not like you come home to a complete mess. If you're spouse is making at least $55k a year, it makes it well worth it in my opinion. Plus, you can have someone clean your house for like $75 each time.

That depends on how much you make, but yes. It can be "worth" it, if you don't mind somebody else being there for a bunch of things you will otherwise miss.

I never said it was cost effective, just that it had value. Not all the value is situated in dollars either.

I'm paranoid, mostly due to a childhood better left in the past, and do not wish people who are not totally trusted to be with my kids.

 

[TRGLDTE]

I made the "mistake" of telling my fiance how much I make. Now she is quitting her job. Well, good news is that means she is fully committing to me, huh?

I have been helping out mom and bro. I bought them a mobile home (wish I could have gotten her more and maybe it is white trashy, but hey that's all I could do for a home I have no desire to live in and my credit sucks).

But this is a bit different. I have been single forever. Now I have 3 people that are depending on me 24/7. My girl has a home with a good mortgage though and that helps. Really it's nothing I can't swing. I have had close to as much expenditures solo and I will get some tax breaks. But it's just the idea that they rely on me.

Time to work even harder. Y'all might not see as much of me.

Truth is, it's what I have always wanted. I told her for a while she should quit. She gripes about the job, is tired all the time, I want her to be able to take trips with me and spend more time with the baby. Hope, i don't become an asshole about it, though.

She needs to work a job. When she dumps your butt in xx years, she will get half of everything and alimony, too. Make sure she is debt free before you hitch. Otherwise, you pay off all her debt AND see above. If you inherit anything, do NOT commingle the money.

 

[LadyT]

I Never thought I would stay home with the kids. I infact was terrified to end up trapped at home. When I got preggers my thoughts kinda changed and I thought hey I can do this for a couple of years to make sure the baby is well taken care of. This nesting thing kicks in (I know girls but the hormones are real, .......

I'm pretty sure that I definitely don't have that gene. I'm sure its great for some, but I think I'd need something outside the house to keep me occuppied. What do you do when they grow up and leave the house?

 

[TRGLDTE]

One thing is the kids are not mine.

Geez, the girl must have one HELL of a fine snatch!

 

[LadyT]

that was so tacky trog.

 

[uscitizen]

I am logging in for the first time after spending my morning cleaning up stuffing from a mattress that my son decided to pull out all last night..This also means I will be going out soon and buying a new mattress for him. This is my second year staying home with my twins and it is BY FAR the hardest job I have ever had. I am going with chap here in saying, yes I do feel I am self employed. I take pride in my job with my kids and my home. That being said, however, I also feel I am, in an odd sort of way, my husband's boss. He KNOWS my job is way harder than his and it's never ending. He admits he could never do it...hell he can't even handle it for a day. There are times when I feel bitter toward him for not doing more. It is a source of major conflict around here because he feels like he is off duty once he leaves the office or the classroom (he's in grad school). I feel like if I am still working than he should be on my schedule as well.

Remember the bitterness can go both ways

Yep you have been there and know

 

[Cancel7]

I am logging in for the first time after spending my morning cleaning up stuffing from a mattress that my son decided to pull out all last night..This also means I will be going out soon and buying a new mattress for him. This is my second year staying home with my twins and it is BY FAR the hardest job I have ever had. I am going with chap here in saying, yes I do feel I am self employed. I take pride in my job with my kids and my home. That being said, however, I also feel I am, in an odd sort of way, my husband's boss. He KNOWS my job is way harder than his and it's never ending. He admits he could never do it...hell he can't even handle it for a day. There are times when I feel bitter toward him for not doing more. It is a source of major conflict around here because he feels like he is off duty once he leaves the office or the classroom (he's in grad school). I feel like if I am still working than he should be on my schedule as well.

Remember the bitterness can go both ways

Yeah, I totally get that bringing kids into it is a whole different deal. I don’t blame you for feeling this way. I have my niece and nephew for a weekend, and it never ends. Sometimes I am waiting at the end of the driveway for my sister-in-law to pick them up. And I love these kids. I would die to protect these kids. But man, sometimes I am so glad to see them go. lol

There were no kids involved in my situation. I was bored out of my mind and wasting my life.

I’m not having kids. A lot of people don’t consider that to be a valid choice. In fact, I’d venture that far more people consider that to be an invalid choice, than consider staying home with your kids to be an invalid choice. But I don’t care. And I don’t think that people who stay home with their kids should care either. You have to please yourself in this life, and part of that is finding your own path. Each of us have a different one.

 

[LadyT]

I am logging in for the first time after spending my morning cleaning up stuffing from a mattress that my son decided to pull out all last night..This also means I will be going out soon and buying a new mattress for him. This is my second year staying home with my twins and it is BY FAR the hardest job I have ever had. I am going with chap here in saying, yes I do feel I am self employed. I take pride in my job with my kids and my home. That being said, however, I also feel I am, in an odd sort of way, my husband's boss. He KNOWS my job is way harder than his and it's never ending. He admits he could never do it...hell he can't even handle it for a day. There are times when I feel bitter toward him for not doing more. It is a source of major conflict around here because he feels like he is off duty once he leaves the office or the classroom (he's in grad school). I feel like if I am still working than he should be on my schedule as well.

Remember the bitterness can go both ways

That's why I said communication is key. I think if you decide to have one spouse stay at home, you have to work out expectations. Even write them down.

 

[TRGLDTE]

that was so tacky trog.

Yeah, pretty much. The truth can be ugly though.

 

[LadyT]

Yeah, I totally get that bringing kids into it is a whole different deal. I don’t blame you for feeling this way. I have my niece and nephew for a weekend, and it never ends. Sometimes I am waiting at the end of the driveway for my sister-in-law to pick them up. And I love these kids. I would die to protect these kids. But man, sometimes I am so glad to see them go. lol..........

LOL. That reminds me of the time when my little cousin stayed with us for a week. We dropped him off at his mom's and for a split second it looked like he was coming back to the car, my mom and me both jumped and were like, "no...no....its okay we got it." And gave him whatever he wanted. His mom was dying laughing.

 

[evince]

I'm pretty sure that I definitely don't have that gene. I'm sure its great for some, but I think I'd need something outside the house to keep me occuppied. What do you do when they grow up and leave the house?

Girl wait till you are pregnant and then the absolute best is Breastfeeding. The hormones you get flushed with while breast feeding are the best drugs ever. The world is the best place ever invented and peace surrounds everything. You learn a whole new reason to love your breasts. I had always felt kinda of distain for mine because they were so big people always gave me shit about them. I truely liked them for the fist time in my life. They were perfect at what they were truely designed to do. There still a pain in the ass clothes wise and stuff by I always remember they did their job and did it well.

I came from a poor family with lots of kids and very little money. I know how to entertain myself. I made a treasure hunt out of finding old second hand furniture and being able to spot what I could turn into a gem. I also ended up making bank off of yard sales with the things I would rotate out of my house when I found something better. I also got into plants and gardening. I still rescue plants that people just put out for trash. I just cant stand the thought of something alive being thrown in the trash. Las Vegas is hell on wheels to garden in but mine is one of the rare houses that has flowers all over the place. You have to pick the plants very carefully out here to have flowers.

If you have a creative mind you find tons of things to do.

 

[Chapdog]

I am logging in for the first time after spending my morning cleaning up stuffing from a mattress that my son decided to pull out all last night..This also means I will be going out soon and buying a new mattress for him. This is my second year staying home with my twins and it is BY FAR the hardest job I have ever had. I am going with chap here in saying, yes I do feel I am self employed. I take pride in my job with my kids and my home. That being said, however, I also feel I am, in an odd sort of way, my husband's boss. He KNOWS my job is way harder than his and it's never ending. He admits he could never do it...hell he can't even handle it for a day. There are times when I feel bitter toward him for not doing more. It is a source of major conflict around here because he feels like he is off duty once he leaves the office or the classroom (he's in grad school). I feel like if I am still working than he should be on my schedule as well.

Remember the bitterness can go both ways

child rearing is not a job. its a responsibility. that being said. staying home full time is a job.. and during time that hes at work the child rearing is your responsibility. when he gets home and on weekends however it should be a split.. A) its good for the kids to have exposure and reinforced discipline.. B) give you less of the responsibility in the 'down hours'

what you have is a problem where your husband thinks that since hes paying the bills and your home that he can just dismiss HIS responsibilities as a parent.

edit... because hes in graduate class they i think its fair for him to have less of the responsibility in the down hours... but not 0%.

 

[LadyT]

child rearing is not a job. its a responsibility. that being said. staying home full time is a job.. and during time that hes at work the child rearing is your responsibility. when he gets home and on weekends however it should be a split.. A) its good for the kids to have exposure and reinforced discipline.. B) give you less of a burden in the 'down hours'

what you have is a problem where your husband thinks that since hes paying the bills and your home that he can just dismiss HIS responsibilities as a parent.

See, this is why I think 50/50 works best. You both work, you both pay the bills, you both raise the kids.

 

[evince]

That depends on how much you make, but yes. It can be "worth" it, if you don't mind somebody else being there for a bunch of things you will otherwise miss.

I never said it was cost effective, just that it had value. Not all the value is situated in dollars either.

I'm paranoid, mostly due to a childhood better left in the past, and do not wish people who are not totally trusted to be with my kids.

You got it Damo , staying home and being a great Mom was the best therapy I could have had. I got to kinda have a second MUCH better childhood myself as well as give someone else a great one.

 

[uscitizen]

Daycare raises the kid and that does not work out so well.

for the kid that is.

 

[LadyT]

.......If you have a creative mind you find tons of things to do.

I'm fairly certain staying at home wouldn't work for me.

1) I'm not creative at all
2) Kids annoy me
3) I hate housework with a passion
4) I don't think we'd have enough money to live in the lifestyle I've become accustomed to for me to stay home

 

[Cancel7]

You got it Damo , staying home and being a great Mom was the best therapy I could have had. I got to kinda have a second MUCH better childhood myself as well as give someone else a great one.

But that doesn’t make it the right choice for every woman. It makes it the right choice for you. That’s what is so great about having choices.

 

[Cancel7]

I'm fairly certain staying at home wouldn't work for me.

1) I'm not creative at all
2) Kids annoy me
3) I hate housework with a passion
4) I don't think we'd have enough money to live in the lifestyle I've become accustomed to for me to stay home

The idea that all women are natural mothers, and will be filled with joy the moment their breasts fill with milk, and find eternal fulfillment in their children is a mythology.

And it’s a harmful myth. It not only harms women, it harms men. It’s exactly why fathers have few rights, and rarely get full custody, even in the many clear cases that they are the better parent.

 

[Chapdog]

in my personal situation my wife is a nurse so its not an issue of daycare raising the kid. She took 6months off work then went back 24hours for a couple years now up to 32 hours. In her role as a night per diem nurse i am solo daddy at nights she works, morning duty, and on every other weekend when she sleeps during day. He goes to a home daycare 1-2 times a week and Montessori 2 times a week. believe me hes is a very well balanced little boy.

Not saying it has not been a great challenge at times working 50hours a week and then being solo dad on regular basis. But I have a great relationship with him for it.