Tell a joke, riddle, or just something funny (non-PC)

Owl told Mason:

"Take off my blouse", so Mason took off her blouse.

"Take off my skirt", so Mason took off her skirt.

"Take off my shoes", so Mason took off her shoes.

"Now take off my bra and panties", so Mason took them off.

Then she looked at Mason and said, "I don't ever want to ever catch you wearing my things again".

095ea45e2311cd42867eb1923bf858c3.gif
 
.

Got to hand it to the Thais, if there is a market they'll supply it!! You have to bring your own shillelegh though.

IMG_20190615_142716785.jpg
 
Last edited:
I was a very happy man. My wonderful Italian girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married.

There was only one little thing bothering me. It was her beautiful younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight mini skirts, and generally was bra-less.

She would regularly bend down when she was near me, and I always got more than a nice view. It had to be deliberate because she never did it when she was near anyone else.

One day her 'little' sis called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome.

She told me that she wanted me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister.

Well, I was in total shock, and couldn't say a word.

She said, “I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want one last wild fling, just come up and get me.”

I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline straight to the front door. I opened the door and headed straight towards my car.

Lo and behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all clapping!

With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law to be put down his shotgun, and hugged me and said, “We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family.”

The moral of this story: Always keep your condoms in your car!
 
Hilarious jokes from Edinburgh Festival Fringe.

The Beaver parade is no place for pussies.

Kids love me - just not the one I adopted.

The problem with the French version of Spider-Man is the character is called Peter Parkour, and they immediately guess who he is.

I'm addicted to smoking jackets – I'm on 20 a day – I've tried the patches but, if anything, they just make them more fashionable.

Some people think being working class is a negative thing but I think there’s loads of benefits. I’ve claimed them all.

Please do not bust a gut laughing.
 
Here's a fun riddle or three - Q : What was found during Jeffrey Dahmer's autopsy? A : Jimmy Hoffa. Q : How many people does it take to circumcise a whale? A : Four Skin-divers. Q : How did the dead baby get to the other side of the road? A : STAPLED to the back of the chicken. Here's my favorite silly P.C. riddle - Q : Why is it so difficult to teach an old COW new tricks? A : Because everything goes in one ear and out the UDDER. I almost forgot my original joke that was published by Maxim Magazine many years ago - Q : How are an aging prizefighter and Dracula's mistress alike? A : They both go DOWN for the COUNT.
 
What do you call a pretty girl in the state of Indiana?

A tourist.

That IS funny and somewhat true. I've lived in Indiana for roughly 15 years of my life, and there aren't a LOT of pretty ones here, compared to Arizona. But there are SOME attractive women here. Just not like Arizona, where you could easily get whiplash taking in some of the women that attend Arizona State University.
 
Here's a fun riddle or three - Q : What was found during Jeffrey Dahmer's autopsy? A : Jimmy Hoffa. Q : How many people does it take to circumcise a whale? A : Four Skin-divers. Q : How did the dead baby get to the other side of the road? A : STAPLED to the back of the chicken. Here's my favorite silly P.C. riddle - Q : Why is it so difficult to teach an old COW new tricks? A : Because everything goes in one ear and out the UDDER. I almost forgot my original joke that was published by Maxim Magazine many years ago - Q : How are an aging prizefighter and Dracula's mistress alike? A : They both go DOWN for the COUNT.

It's good to take the elderly out for a stroll once in a while!!
 
A married couple was in a terrible accident where the woman's face was severely burned. The doctor told the husband that they couldn't graft any skin from her body because she was too skinny. So the husband offered to donate some of his own skin.

However, the only skin on his body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from his buttocks.

The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and requested that the doctor also honor their secret. After all, this was a very delicate matter.

After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the woman's new beauty. She looked more beautiful than she ever had before! All her friends and relatives just went on and on about her youthful beauty!

One day, she was alone with her husband, and she was overcome with emotion at his sacrifice. She said, "Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me. How can I possibly repay you?"

"My darling," he replied, "I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek."
 
Back
Top