Tell a joke, riddle, or just something funny (non-PC)
- Thread starter cancel2 2022
- Start date
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Wow, I guess the Big Man didn't like the music!
deadcatbounce
Verified User
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Not sure that the designer has thought this through?
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Brilliant!!
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Brilliant!!
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I had a blind date last night.
But I was concerned -- What do I do if she's really unattractive?
I'll be stuck with her all night.
Turns out, There's an app for that.
It's called "Mom Are You Ok". It schedules your phone to ring just after you meet her.
If you like her, you ignore it.
If you want to cut short the date, you answer with, "Mom? What's the matter? Are you okay?"
It works every time.
So I knocked on the girl's door. Turns out I needn't have worried.
She was gorgeous!
Just as we were about to head out to the restaurant, her phone rang.
She answered it and said, "Mom, what's the matter? Are you okay?"
But I was concerned -- What do I do if she's really unattractive?
I'll be stuck with her all night.
Turns out, There's an app for that.
It's called "Mom Are You Ok". It schedules your phone to ring just after you meet her.
If you like her, you ignore it.
If you want to cut short the date, you answer with, "Mom? What's the matter? Are you okay?"
It works every time.
So I knocked on the girl's door. Turns out I needn't have worried.
She was gorgeous!
Just as we were about to head out to the restaurant, her phone rang.
She answered it and said, "Mom, what's the matter? Are you okay?"
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It snowed last night...
8:00 am: I made a snowman.
8:10 - A feminist passed by and asked me why I didn't make a snow woman.
8:15 - So, I made a snow woman.
8:17 - My feminist neighbor complained about the snow woman's voluptuous chest saying it objectified snow women everywhere.
8:20 - The gay couple living nearby threw a hissy fit and moaned it could have been two snow men instead.
8:22 - The transgender man..women...person asked why I didn't just make one snow person with detachable parts.
8:25 - The vegans at the end of the lane complained about the carrot nose, as veggies are food and not to decorate snow figures with.
8:28 - I was being called a racist because the snow couple is white.
8:31 - The middle eastern gent across the road demanded the snow woman be covered up .
8:40 - The Police arrived saying someone had been offended.
8:42 - The feminist neighbor complained again that the broomstick of the snow woman needed to be removed because it depicted women in a domestic role.
8:43 - The council equality officer arrived and threatened me with eviction.
8:45 - TV news crews from the BBC ITV & SKY showed up. I was asked if I know the difference between snowmen and snow-women? I replied "Snowballs" and am now called a sexist.
9:00 - I was on the News as a suspected terrorist, racist, homophobe sensibility offender, bent on stirring up trouble during difficult weather.
9:10 - I was asked if I have any accomplices. My children were taken by social services.
9:29 - Far left protesters offended by everything marched down the street demanding for me to be arrested.
By noon it all melted
Moral:
There is no moral to this story. It is what we have become, all because of snowflakes.
It snowed last night...
8:00 am: I made a snowman.
8:10 - A feminist passed by and asked me why I didn't make a snow woman.
8:15 - So, I made a snow woman.
8:17 - My feminist neighbor complained about the snow woman's voluptuous chest saying it objectified snow women everywhere.
8:20 - The gay couple living nearby threw a hissy fit and moaned it could have been two snow men instead.
8:22 - The transgender man..women...person asked why I didn't just make one snow person with detachable parts.
8:25 - The vegans at the end of the lane complained about the carrot nose, as veggies are food and not to decorate snow figures with.
8:28 - I was being called a racist because the snow couple is white.
8:31 - The middle eastern gent across the road demanded the snow woman be covered up .
8:40 - The Police arrived saying someone had been offended.
8:42 - The feminist neighbor complained again that the broomstick of the snow woman needed to be removed because it depicted women in a domestic role.
8:43 - The council equality officer arrived and threatened me with eviction.
8:45 - TV news crews from the BBC ITV & SKY showed up. I was asked if I know the difference between snowmen and snow-women? I replied "Snowballs" and am now called a sexist.
9:00 - I was on the News as a suspected terrorist, racist, homophobe sensibility offender, bent on stirring up trouble during difficult weather.
9:10 - I was asked if I have any accomplices. My children were taken by social services.
9:29 - Far left protesters offended by everything marched down the street demanding for me to be arrested.
By noon it all melted
Moral:
There is no moral to this story. It is what we have become, all because of snowflakes.
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Sadly many end up old and stupid!
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This is supposed to be a true story, has anybody heard it before? It happened back in 2003.
British pilot asked Yanks who shot at him: "When was the last time you saw a f****ing Iraqi in a helicopter?" The Chinook pilot snapped after he came under small arms fire from US troops advancing on the North of Baghdad yesterday.
After shouting into his radio that he was under friendly fire, he put the helicopter down within yards of the soldiers. Punches were thrown and the pilot and a US Marine had to be pulled apart.
British military spokesperson Group Captain Al Lockwood said "I'm afraid it would be an RAF thing to do. Those guys are not known to suffer fools gladly."
Another source said "It was just like Independence Day when Will Smith goes over to the alien who has been firing at him and smacks him right between the eyes."
British pilot asked Yanks who shot at him: "When was the last time you saw a f****ing Iraqi in a helicopter?" The Chinook pilot snapped after he came under small arms fire from US troops advancing on the North of Baghdad yesterday.
After shouting into his radio that he was under friendly fire, he put the helicopter down within yards of the soldiers. Punches were thrown and the pilot and a US Marine had to be pulled apart.
British military spokesperson Group Captain Al Lockwood said "I'm afraid it would be an RAF thing to do. Those guys are not known to suffer fools gladly."
Another source said "It was just like Independence Day when Will Smith goes over to the alien who has been firing at him and smacks him right between the eyes."
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