What Song Are You Listening To, Right Now?

Good Morning from this rain swept wind tunnel known as home.

I am currently waiting for a chap to come round and give my old boiler a good seeing to. Of course, not in a 1970s British sit-com style - i'm insinuating he's going to have sex with my wife kind of way. Firstly, i haven't got a wife (hard to believe, eh, ladies?). Secondly, as a thoroughly modern thinking gentleman i would take issue with those describing one of our strong independent sisters using such a derogatory term as 'boiler' (well, you've got to be a feminist these days if you want to get your end away).

Nevertheless, here in the northern wilds, the grasp of the metrosexual is limp and the forces of progress are still mopping up the last remnants of entrenched stereotypical male caricatures, in their white vans and on their building site strongholds. Usually these cavemen coves prove harmless and the correlation of expressing such views to women and the reduced likelihood of access results in enlightenment. However, these are those who literally regard women as pieces of meat.

There has been a spate of nasty sexual assaults round these parts in recent weeks and, rather disconcertingly, one of the suspect photo-fits looks like a bit like a fat me. Maybe it is my imagination, but since this picture was released i can't help thinking people are looking at me in a 'where have i seen that face before' kind of way. Much like your Amanda Knoxs, your Jesus Christs or one of those black chaps you keep injecting with chemicals, i am an innocent. Innocent, you hear? (Yes, I do have an alibi since you ask)

'You Don't Know Me' – Ben Folds
 
A really great version of an already great song. Sometimes I listen to this and then Redding's over and over trying to decide which I like better. I never can.

 
Coldplay rules. Snow Patrol has one awesome song, so I won't defend them. I listened to the song by Keane a lot when it came out in 2004. Sentimental songs like that remind me of... me. :D
 

Rhinestones in the Ashes- Roger A Wade (cover)

This is a cover version of Roger A Wade's song, it's about Gram Parsons death, and featured in Grand Theft Parsons.

A friend of mine does a version of this beautifully, it's one of my favorites.
 
How to solve Britain's 'Obesity Crisis'?

Squeeze the nation's top dieticians and leading nutritionists into a small room alongside doctors and professors, psychologists, therapists and researchers who have observed fat people in their natural habitat. Instruct them to debate the latest scientific thinking and innovative new strategies to prevent a dystopian nightmare future where paper currency has been replaced by chips, rotund lettuce-wielding men stand sentinel over the automatic lard dispensers on streets covered in a fine white powder of chafed skin and talcum powder, all played out to a soundtrack created by the swishing of a million swishing thighs and flapping bingo wings.

So what master plan do they come up with?

EAT LESS AND MOVE ABOUT A BIT MORE.

That is the sum total of the government's new 'Change 4 Life' strategy. (I'm not sure when this trend for replacing letters with numbers came about but it now appears ubiquitous. Do governments and marketing departments think the public would reject even the most exciting and innovative campaign on the grounds that "it only consists of those dull lettery things". However, introducing a number in place of a word is sure to beguile even the most uninterested members of society.)

I believe the last time a proposal so obvious was arrived at was when Bradford College merged with Bradford University and paid a consultancy firm 20 large to come up with a new name. The results being 'Bradford University', 'University of Bradford' and 'The University of Bradford'.

The government haven't really told anyone how they are going to get people to eat less, although one suspects their austerity measures aimed at the poor will help at least one section of society reduce their calorie intake. No doubt the London Olympics, sponsored by McDonalds, will encourage children to adopt a healthier diet, and the money gathered from selling off school playing fields could be invested in encouraging children to take up sport.

Does this constant drive to make people give up everything pleasurable and treat their bodies with the greatest reverence, in order to live longer and longer, really make sense? I can't help but think that letting people eat, drink and smoke themselves to an early grave is preferable to a lifetime of denied pleasures invested in a future locked in a secure nursing home because you can't comprehend the idea of trousers.

'Sheriff Fatman' - Carter USM
 
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