Hello Phantasmal,
I try, but sometimes I fall short. It’s why I have people on ignore because I know engaging them will result in my lowering myself to their level. I don’t want to do that, so best to just ignore them.
Same here. Totally.
I used to mix it up just like everybody else. A long time ago and in a chat board far far away. I changed, so I know others can too.
I had nobody on ignore. Mixed it up with the worst. And I was nasty. I was proud of the fact that I had nobody on Ignore. Although I wondered just what that was worth. Nobody ever gave me a trophy for 'taking it.'
It often left me angry and stressed. And I carried those bad feelings with me into the rest of my life.
One day, I got tired of it and got curious if there was a more pleasant posting experience. I decided to try an experiment. I decided to run the experiment for 3 weeks, just to make sure I got a good feel for what it was like. I chose 3 weeks because that is the average amount of time it takes to change a habit. In my experiment, I placed every single poster who trash-talked me on Ignore. Wow, that list filled up fast! The changes were sudden, but the effect sank in a little slower.
Suddenly, many of the people I was talking to were off limits. I didn't want to 'cheat,' so I did not allow myself to even look at what they were saying. If I am going to cut myself off from grief, I wanted to follow through. Here's what I found:
-I ended up following fewer conversations, but the ones I followed became more meaningful.
-I spent less time on the internet and enjoyed more time for other things. It was like suddenly having more time. Fabulous!
-I gradually became less confrontational and more reserved, more accepting of different views. I came to find a whole new appreciation for diversity.
-I was less apt to use swear words in every day conversations away from the internet.
-I gained the ability to listen to others say things I disagreed with, without becoming angry.
-I was able to respond to people who said bothersome things by saying very thoughtful things which caused them to stop and think.
-I experienced less stress in my life.
-I became nicer to be around.
-I enjoy life more, and have remained strong and healthy.
I think what was going on before my big change was I was internalizing the stress of online flame wars, and taking that into my real life, which resulted in my life being more stressful. Naturally, when I got to the end of my 3 week 'experiment,' I knew I was onto something good. I didn't want to go back. That was when it occurred to me that I should make my own Ignore policy permanent. I adopted that personal rule; and have enjoyed the benefits ever since.
I also realized that it was a bad idea to talk about those whom I have placed on Ignore. I am trying to distance myself from their grief and stress and set a good example. So I just do my best to stay away, avoid taunting, simply have nothing to do with them, as if they don't even exist. I don't read their threads, don't reply to them. This way, everybody knows I mean what I say.
I learned that you can tell something about a person by the way they react to my policy. Sometimes I have doubts about somebody. I get the come-on/go-away thing from them. The ones who can be nice but also be mean. I wonder if they can check their posts while talking to me. So I will let them know I am considering them for Ignore. If they double down, I give up on them and place them on permanent Ignore. But if they back off, I give them another chance. That usually runs about 50-50. Some back off, others double down. I feel bad when I place somebody like that on permanent Ignore because I know I will never take them off, and I might be missing something good they might say. But I have to be true to myself. So I do what I need to do to take care of myself. And I am glad I do that.
If you don't look out for yourself, nobody else is going to. And by looking out for myself in this way, I am contributing a radical idea to the forum. The idea that people can exchange ideas and thoughts positively and enjoy the experience. Apparently it is a radical idea to just want to talk about politics at Just Plain Politics.
