It really is quite difficult to take such ideas with even a pinch of seriousness. Have you never actually considered the ideas that seem to drive you? Do you really find it impossible to understand how the belief in the supernatural has, does and will hinder the progress of man?
Look at the cosmos, count the galaxies, look at the evidence before you. You are being led by superstition and medieval beliefs. You have wasted your life and dare not change because change would metaphorically emasculate you before your friends and family.
Open your eyes to real freedom, the freedom of genuine discovery, the freedom to be content with asking questions and not always finding the answers. That is freedom.
Only the weak lack the courage to explore.