Tell a joke, riddle, or just something funny (non-PC)

Grajonca said:
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This is how real men deal with a divorce...

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You can have the house. I'll keep the bulldozer...
 
T. A. Gardner said:
Well, this being a political board, a political joke or two is in order...

Republicans are red,
Democrats are blue,
Doesn't that seem
Backwards to you?

A conservative is walking along a river when he sees a man drowning in it. The conservative wants to help so he runs to a nearby house where he asks the owner to borrow some rope and a float to save the man. Returning to the river he throws the float tied to the rope towards the man. it lands in the water several feet short of him. The conservative shouts, "Swim for it!"

A progressive is walking along a river when he / she / ze sees a non-gender specific person drowning, a victim of the river, in it. The progressive wants to help and runs to a nearby house where he / she / ze rummages through the garage taking a rope and float he / she / ze found. Running back to the river the progressive tosses the rope and float to the drowning victim. The float hits the drowning victim who grabs hold as the rope floats away. The progressive on the shore waves at the now "saved" victim dropping his / her / ze end of the rope and waves, "You don't have to thank me!" then walks away whistling a happy tune looking for another good deed to do.

:)
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Yes it is because Labour is red and the Tories are blue in the UK.
 
How to secure a building in the military:

Marine Corps:

Call in an air strike on the building flattening it. Then assault the building using machineguns, grenade launchers, and flamethrowers. Plant a flag on top of the rubble. Building secured.

Army:

Move in multiple fireteams with support weapons, entrench and surround the building with razor wire and minefields. Set up interlocked fields of fire with artillery support. Building secured.

Air Force:

Negotiate a twenty-year lease with a buy back option, and collateral maintenance agreement on a fixed contract. Building secured.

Navy:

Last man out, turn off the lights and make sure the doors are locked. Record it in a log. Building secured.
 
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