This made me laugh! (Twat Free Version)

A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown
Ostrich behind him. The waitress asks them for
Their orders. The man says, "A hamburger, fries
And a coke," and turns to the ostrich, "What's
Yours?" "I'll have the same," says the ostrich.


A short time later the waitress returns with the
Order. "That will Be $9.40 please" The man
Reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact
Change for payment.

The next day, the man and the ostrich come
Again and the man says, "A hamburger, fries
And a coke."


The ostrich says, "I'll have the same."


Again the man reaches into his pocket and
Pays with exact change.


This becomes routine until the two enter again.
"The usual?" Asks the waitress. "No, this is
Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato
And a salad," says the man. "Same," says the
Ostrich. Shortly the waitress brings the order
And says, "That will be $32.62." Once again
The man pulls the exact change out of his pocket
And places it on the table.


The waitress cannot hold back her curiosity any
Longer. "Excuse me, Sir. How do you manage to
Always come up with the exact change in your
Pocket every time?"


"Well," says the man, "several years ago I was
Cleaning the attic and Found an old lamp. When
I rubbed it, a Genie appeared and offered me
Two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had
To pay for anything, I would just put my hand
In my pocket and the right amount of money
Would always be there."


"That's brilliant!" says the waitress. "Most people
Would ask for a Million Dollars or something,
But you'll always be as rich as you want for as
Long as you live!"


"That's right..Whether it's a gallon of milk or a
Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there,"
Says the man.


The waitress asks, "What's with the ostrich?"


The man sighs, pauses and answers, "My second
Wish was for a tall chick with a big ass and long
Legs who agrees with everything I say.."
 
This is the generation that will eventually run the world, they can't even open a can of spaghetti!



Sent from Lenovo K5 Note:
To piss off snowflakes, bottom feeders and racists
 
This is the generation that will eventually run the world, they can't even open a can of spaghetti!



Sent from Lenovo K5 Note:
To piss off snowflakes, bottom feeders and racists

We have the participation trophy mentality to thank for that. When, as kids, you reward them for only trying even if they fail the same as those who did something successfully, this is what you end up with. When they become adults, they expect the same treatment when it comes to providing them food, clothing, shelter, healthcare, and anything else they want that others actually earned.
 
Bernie wanted to have sex with a girl in his office,
But she belonged to someone else...

One day, Bernie got so frustrated that he went up to
her and said, 'I'll give you a $100 if you let me
have sex with you. But the girl said NO.

Bernie said, 'I'll be fast. I'll throw the money on
the floor, you bend down, and I'll be finished by the
time you pick it up. '

She thought for a moment and said that she would have
to consult her boyfriend... So she called her
boyfriend and told him the story.

Her boyfriend says, 'Ask him for $200, pick up the
money very fast, he won't even be able to get his
Pants down.'

So she agrees and accepts the proposal. Half an hour
goes by, and the boyfriend is waiting for his
girlfriend to call.

Finally, after 45 minutes, the boyfriend calls and
asks what happened.

She responded, 'The bastard used coins!'

Management lesson:
Always consider a business proposal in its entirety before agreeing to it and getting screwed!
 
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Sent from Lenovo K5 Note:
To piss off snowflakes, bottom feeders and racists
 
That's nothing, we can be much worse than that!

Sent from my Lenovo K52e78 using Tapatalk

Just being polite, instead of revealing that the English are just as capable of acting in the same behavior that you accuse Americans of and can even surpass the behavior of Americans.
 
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