What Song Are You Listening To, Right Now?
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TuTu Monroe
A Realist
Minister of Truth
Practically Perfect
LOLLLL
dear retard: I am not, have never been, and never will be, a democrat/liberal
You need to learn to read.
TuTu Monroe
A Realist
cancel2 2022
Canceled
Haggis is actually quite tasty, now tell them about black pudding. I was in the Europa Hotel bar in Belfast several years ago when this American was told what went into it, the poor guy nearly had a spasm on the spot. I believe the Europa still holds the record for the most bombed hotel in the world by the way.
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hmmmm, another song to check out on Rhapsody!
charver
You lookin' at my pint?
Well here we are again preparing to cast aside the ageing hag August, already anticipating the embrace of that seductive mistress September. However before we enthusiastically kick August to the curb it is compulsory, round these parts, to indulge in the annual festivities that are exam results.
Older readers may be aware that this phenomenon, whereby each consecutive generation of young people, as the PC brigade insist we call them, are rewarded with sackfuls of the highest grades stupidity can buy, is a particular annoyance of mine. Some years ago the A grade became so ubiquitous that the government invented an A grade with a little asterisk next to it, known as the A Star.
Today it is the turn of the nation's 16 year-olds to get their envelopes of destiny. They have been biting their nails all summer long as they fret over their impeding results, mainly because they are too stupid to realise that it is virtually impossible to fail a modern exam. When i was at school it certainly was possible to fail an exam despite being a rather clever, articulate and urbane sort of a chap (only one though, 'cos i am fuckin' skill. Besides Art doesn't really count anyway).
"Yeah, we're really glad you got 24 A's, darlin', but would you mind pulling down your top a little and bouncing up and down a bit?"
Tomorrow will see the harvested fruits of the newspaper photographers plastered all over the inside covers. Rather strangely it always appears from those photos that the sole inhabitants of today's school-yards are attractive young ladies wearing tight tops who spend their time jumping frantically up and down. This feminist cove is a little reticent to drool over the bouncing breasts of 16 year old nubiles. However, just in order to illustrate my point, you understand, take a look at the aftermath of last week's A-level results day. Don't worry these young ladies are all 18 and fully legal. Giddy up!!11!
'Pretty Girls Are Pretty High' - TiMaria
Older readers may be aware that this phenomenon, whereby each consecutive generation of young people, as the PC brigade insist we call them, are rewarded with sackfuls of the highest grades stupidity can buy, is a particular annoyance of mine. Some years ago the A grade became so ubiquitous that the government invented an A grade with a little asterisk next to it, known as the A Star.
Today it is the turn of the nation's 16 year-olds to get their envelopes of destiny. They have been biting their nails all summer long as they fret over their impeding results, mainly because they are too stupid to realise that it is virtually impossible to fail a modern exam. When i was at school it certainly was possible to fail an exam despite being a rather clever, articulate and urbane sort of a chap (only one though, 'cos i am fuckin' skill. Besides Art doesn't really count anyway).
"Yeah, we're really glad you got 24 A's, darlin', but would you mind pulling down your top a little and bouncing up and down a bit?"
Tomorrow will see the harvested fruits of the newspaper photographers plastered all over the inside covers. Rather strangely it always appears from those photos that the sole inhabitants of today's school-yards are attractive young ladies wearing tight tops who spend their time jumping frantically up and down. This feminist cove is a little reticent to drool over the bouncing breasts of 16 year old nubiles. However, just in order to illustrate my point, you understand, take a look at the aftermath of last week's A-level results day. Don't worry these young ladies are all 18 and fully legal. Giddy up!!11!
'Pretty Girls Are Pretty High' - TiMaria
charver
You lookin' at my pint?
Awards and accolades, don't you just love 'em? Whether it's a shake of the hand and a smart blue ribband or a round of applause and a girl on all fours, we all love to sit in the bath of praise while a reasonably priced prostitute showers us with the golden piss of appreciation.
Of course we here at JPP have recently had our awards season. Thanks, by the way, to everyone who voted for me. I will never forget that morning, gathered round the monitor with my family and close friends, as the results were announced. I have to say that upon discovering my good fortune i was deeply touched. Uncle Dave has always been a little busy with his hands.
However, awards are not confined merely to us internets types. Oh no.
We learned today that the UK's children have been crowned "best at getting drunk" by some international busybody group of old women. Quite an achievement, i think you'll agree. This report, Doing Better for Children, compares the well-being of young people living in the leading industrial economies. Do not fret, my American friends, you too were fellow winners in the category of "Most Separated Parents". Perhaps we can have a joint party where once married ladies and gents can parade their swanky young partners in front of their ex's while their children can drown the pain of their lives being ruined with a pint, or two, of vodka and coke.
Role models, such as Amy Winehouses, are credited by researchers with making Britain's kids the booze barons of the world.
One weird result concerned Turkey, who came top in the category "Highest Rate of Bullying" but, confusingly, "Enjoy School the Most" leading to the obvious conclusion that either Turkish home life is a microcosm of Midnight Express or that Turkish kids are heavily into the new masochism scene. Odd.
'Uptown Top Rankin'' - Althea and Donna
Of course we here at JPP have recently had our awards season. Thanks, by the way, to everyone who voted for me. I will never forget that morning, gathered round the monitor with my family and close friends, as the results were announced. I have to say that upon discovering my good fortune i was deeply touched. Uncle Dave has always been a little busy with his hands.
However, awards are not confined merely to us internets types. Oh no.
We learned today that the UK's children have been crowned "best at getting drunk" by some international busybody group of old women. Quite an achievement, i think you'll agree. This report, Doing Better for Children, compares the well-being of young people living in the leading industrial economies. Do not fret, my American friends, you too were fellow winners in the category of "Most Separated Parents". Perhaps we can have a joint party where once married ladies and gents can parade their swanky young partners in front of their ex's while their children can drown the pain of their lives being ruined with a pint, or two, of vodka and coke.
Role models, such as Amy Winehouses, are credited by researchers with making Britain's kids the booze barons of the world.
One weird result concerned Turkey, who came top in the category "Highest Rate of Bullying" but, confusingly, "Enjoy School the Most" leading to the obvious conclusion that either Turkish home life is a microcosm of Midnight Express or that Turkish kids are heavily into the new masochism scene. Odd.
'Uptown Top Rankin'' - Althea and Donna
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charver
You lookin' at my pint?
I was going to post a picture of some drinking schoolchildren but, considering the topic of several recent threads, i thought it may not be such a wise move.
Well, I just recently found out y'all are paedophiles, at least according to a highly placed informant, so I can see how that might be wise.
Pink Floyd - Don't Leave Me Now
charver
You lookin' at my pint?
That reminds me.
Are we going to swap over again soon as, i swear, the one in my basement is totally frigid.
'The Kids Are Alright' - The Who
You need to stop keeping it in the freezer, I've found that keeping it cool and well watered makes for a better experience.
Pink Floyd - Comfortably Numb
charver
You lookin' at my pint?
I love it when you share your excellent tips with us, Damo.
That one about sound-proofing newly excavated underground lairs with egg boxes was a sure-fire winner.
Now my delicate ears are no longer troubled by the foul trill of Hannah Montana verses and, moreover, i have the piece of mind that my neighbour's suspicions will never again be piqued by the strained cries for help nor the desperate clawing and forlorn scraping at the earth.
'Peace and Quiet' - The Rifles