What Song Are You Listening To, Right Now?

We’re just receiving reports of an incident on a farm in Sussex, where a number of people have been arrested in connection with annoying the nation.

It is believed that the owner of the farm, a Mr Hibbert, has been co-operating with police and government officials, in a plot codenamed “Operation Less Pricks”, and kindly granted permission for the use of a 17th century tithe barn as a temporary holding place for those arrested.

Although not confirmed, we are led to understand that those already charged include

  • bus drivers who don’t wait for people to sit down before pulling away from the bus stop

  • taxi drivers who use their horns instead of knocking on the door

  • people who moan at the council about the streets being full of litter - not stopping to think that it is the people who drop litter, not the council

  • a room full of drama teachers listening to Bjork

  • grown men with replica shirts worn over their jumpers, who stand up and stretch out their arms when the opposing team fail to hit the target

  • an assortment of scriptwriters, novelists and playwrights who own Agas but don’t know how to use them

  • a musical equipment reviewer responsible for an article entitled “Microphone of the Month”

  • a woman who described herself as a little bit “Bridget”, a little bit “Ally”, a little bit “Sex and the City”, who chose to call her baby boy “Fred” as a childishly rebellious attempt at a clever reaction to those who might have expected her to call him Julian or Rupert. A bit of advice - call him Rupert - it fits. And besides, it’s a good name. Don’t be calling him Fred, or Archie, with all its cheeky but loveable working class scamp connotations - unless you really do have plans for him to spend his life in William Hill’s, waiting for them to weigh in at Newton Abbott

  • also being held is a whole wall full of teenagers spitting needlessly

  • an amateur thug in camouflage trousers, whose Japanese fighting dog had run amok on a Swindon council estate

  • a man from the record company, who said that George Michael continues to challenge social taboos through his music

  • Lisa Riley

  • continuity announcers introducing comedy shows

  • a pub band who get uppity when everyone goes to the bar during a song they’ve written themselves

  • a group of football fans referred to as “Commodores” - as in “Once, Twice, Three Times a Season”, who feed sugar lumps to police horses at cup finals

  • an artist who says his next album will be more “song-based”

  • a man who informs people that he gets up at six o’clock every morning, and seems to want a medal

  • people who say they “speak as they find”, and are somehow proud of it

  • journalists who try to spell an interviewee’s laugh

  • an organisation who declared an awareness week for awareness weeks
    and a council worker who had dropped litter

Half Man Half Biscuit - 'Breaking News'
 
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Damocles said:
They are still looking for that Bloke what sings "You're Beautiful"...
Click to expand...

Very true.

If i were producing my own list of suspects, (that list is actually the lyrics) he'd be near the top.

Mmm...there may be an idea for a thread in there somewhere, if i ever get round to it.
 
I was rather taken aback to hear the dulcet warblings of none other than "The Hoff", on the old wireless, yesterday afternoon. He's apparently planning "Knight Rider: The Movie". I know, i can't wait either. A man can never get enough of the sight of a tanned, leather trousered chap hanging out with an impossibly effeminate talking car.

David Hasselhoff - 'Hot Shot City' is a paticularly good track.
 
mogwai - summer

no one cares about this thread, and no one ever pays attention to all THE COOL BANDS i listen to.

Mogwai people, Mogwai.
 
Another day another school shooting.

God and Guns, baby. What could possibly go wrong?

'Bang, Bang (My Baby Shot Me Down)' - Nancy Sinatra
 
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