What Song Are You Listening To, Right Now?

It seems Summer has finally decided to lift her skirts for the lusty sun-starved British populace. For months now she has been giving us a sly wink and a flash of thigh, raising our levels of expectation to uncomfortable extremes, only to leave us standing forlornly outside the cinema for an hour, being battered by her big brothers wind, rain and hail. This week, though, she has been giggling like a giddy schoolgirl and we have done things behind the bike sheds which would make Gypsy Rose Lee blush to high heaven.

Stupidly, i failed to use protection. The consequences of which have been most severe and not a little unpleasant.

Now, i should make it clear that i favour the shaven look. No not like that you filthy guttersnipes. What i mean to say is that i sport a crew-cut, some say skinhead haircut (but not in a i'm-a-terrible-racist way, more in a i-fear-baldness type of way). This does not go well with sunlight. Hence my previously serenely white pate now most resembles "Hot Paprika" on the Dulux paints colour chart. For those unfamiliar with the Dulux colour range, suffice to say that it is not a good look to adopt, although it does match my nose perfectly.

Next time that little minx,Summer, asks me out, i'm going to make sure that i'm carrying protection and i urge others to do the same.

'Blister in the Sun' - Violent Femmes
 
charver said:
It seems Summer has finally decided to lift her skirts for the lusty sun-starved British populace. For months now she has been giving us a sly wink and a flash of thigh, raising our levels of expectation to uncomfortable extremes, only to leave us standing forlornly outside the cinema for an hour, being battered by her big brothers wind, rain and hail. This week, though, she has been giggling like a giddy schoolgirl and we have done things behind the bike sheds which would make Gypsy Rose Lee blush to high heaven.

Stupidly, i failed to use protection. The consequences of which have been most severe and not a little unpleasant.

Now, i should make it clear that i favour the shaven look. No not like that you filthy guttersnipes. What i mean to say is that i sport a crew-cut, some say skinhead haircut (but not in a i'm-a-terrible-racist way, more in a i-fear-baldness type of way). This does not go well with sunlight. Hence my previously serenely white pate now most resembles "Hot Paprika" on the Dulux paints colour chart. For those unfamiliar with the Dulux colour range, suffice to say that it is not a good look to adopt, although it does match my nose perfectly.

Next time that little minx,Summer, asks me out, i'm going to make sure that i'm carrying protection and i urge others to do the same.

'Blister in the Sun' - Violent Femmes
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LOL
It sounds very hot Charver.
 
Darla said:
LOL
It sounds very hot Charver.
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Hot indeed, we have been basking in tropical temperatures reaching a heady 22 degrees Celsius.

I contend Britain has been the hottest place in the world* this past week. There's nothing like the sight of flabby white bellies and their tattooed owners waddling along the High Street to mark the onset of the Summer season. Huzzah.


*discounting those places which were warmer
 
charver said:
Hot indeed, we have been basking in tropical temperatures reaching a heady 22 degrees Celsius.

I contend Britain has been the hottest place in the world* this past week. There's nothing like the sight of flabby white bellies and their tattooed owners waddling along the High Street to mark the onset of the Summer season. Huzzah.


*discounting those places which were warmer
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Oh isn't it the truth. Every year at about this time, I walk around simply amazed that people have never heard of self-tanning lotion, and seem to believe that onset of summer means "everyone wants to see my big fat stomach hanging out". Maybe, when this war is over Charver, I will channel my energy into a new movement. The "Dress approriate to body condition" movement.
 
Darla said:
Oh isn't it the truth. Every year at about this time, I walk around simply amazed that people have never heard of self-tanning lotion, and seem to believe that onset of summer means "everyone wants to see my big fat stomach hanging out". Maybe, when this war is over Charver, I will channel my energy into a new movement. The "Dress approriate to body condition" movement.
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I shall look forward to the campaign launch.

Honestly, Darla, the sights i've seen. Many memories are too painful to retell. I am just thankful that the short-lived trend for cycling shorts in the early 1990's died a swift death.

I am constantly baffled as to the inability of the grossly obese to come to terms with the fact that 50'' waists and lycra do not make happy bedfellows.

Still, the fat man does have his uses. I like to stand next to them from time to time to boost one's flagging self-esteem and they do provide a handy shaded area for sunburned fools.
 
charver said:
Hot indeed, we have been basking in tropical temperatures reaching a heady 22 degrees Celsius.

I contend Britain has been the hottest place in the world* this past week. There's nothing like the sight of flabby white bellies and their tattooed owners waddling along the High Street to mark the onset of the Summer season. Huzzah.


*discounting those places which were warmer
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Wow! That's like room temperature and stuff. That's just freaky hot.
 
charver said:
I thought you'd be impressed.

We don't even need to put the heating on and it's only May. It's normally on full blast until the second week of July.
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Just more evidence of the benefits of global warming. First the Polar Bears like it, according to a story I read somewhere. And there are far less whales bogged down in the ice so it's good for them too. (Plus they get to eat the tasty Polar Bears swimming in the toasty warm ocean). And now? We find out that less heating oil is being used in Britanialand, Britlandia, um... well, you know that place across the pond where they speak 'merican all funny and stuff.
 
Damocles said:
Just more evidence of the benefits of global warming. First the Polar Bears like it, according to a story I read somewhere. And there are far less whales bogged down in the ice so it's good for them too. (Plus they get to eat the tasty Polar Bears swimming in the toasty warm ocean). And now? We find out that less heating oil is being used in Britanialand, Britlandia, um... well, you know that place across the pond where they speak 'merican all funny and stuff.
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:D

And they say you don't have a sense of humour.
 
No, irony, they don't do irony. They have a sense of humour they just don't do irony.

I just wish I knew what the frigging hell "irony" meant, I wouldn't have to keep reproducing crap I read elsewhere then.

Anyone got an example I can use?
 
Return of the Mack - Mark Morrison

The summer is definitely back Charver, I watched an entirely uninterrupted day of cricket today and England were disappointing again, just at they have been every summer. This has nothing to do with the Return of the Mack though, I dont have this knack of listening to curiously appropriate music in these circumstances like your good self, plus the stuff I like has rubbish names that dont match my circumstances, an appropriate one today would be:

Watched cricket all day and surfed some internet - Brian Gibbon

I just watched a brilliant video by Lil' Wayne' which was really like original on the tv and that, I couldnt work out what the lyrics were so I look

Shawty wanna thug
bottles in the club
shawty wanna hump
and ooo i like to touch ya lovely lady lumps

Apparently this song is in the charts and this chorus is repeated about fourteen times. Hilarious!
 
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reverendlionelblair said:
Return of the Mack - Mark Morrison

The summer is definitely back Charver, I watched an entirely uninterrupted day of cricket today and England were disappointing again, just at they have been every summer. This has nothing to do with the Return of the Mack though, I dont have this knack of listening to curiously appropriate music in these circumstances like your good self, plus the stuff I like has rubbish names that dont match my circumstances, an appropriate one today would be:

Watched cricket all day and surfed some internet - Brian Gibbon
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It is quite uncanny isn't it? Some may say having one's life governed by the songs one listens to may be a little inconvenient. But not i.

However, i have to say that the local Constabulary seem to be so much happier since i mislaid my copy of NWA's 'Fuck the Police'.
 
It's Monday morning, the sky is blue, the sun is shining and, in true British style, the great unwashed are finding new things to whinge about whilst eating their cornflakes.

The big issue of the week is the Parliamentary debate over the Human Fertilisation and Embryology Bill, where our feckless representatives will decide whether to ban research using human-animal hybrid embryos.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk_politics/7407589.stm

Oh, Johnny Science points out this hybrid research may lead to major advances in the battle against human genetic disease but they would say that wouldn't they? These people don't get their kicks getting blind drunk every weekend and fighting in car parks like ordinary folk. No, they like dressing up in white coats and having sick scientific sex with test tubes full of animal vaginas.

They don't think about what would happen if one of their abominable offspring were to escape from the lab and begin breeding with normal humans, do they?

planet1.jpg

Mam...Dad...i'd like you to meet my fiancée, Keith. He works in I.T..

Yes, i'm sure it could do many interesting things in the bedroom, with its tentacled mouth and all, but can you imagine it eating a bowl of soup? Eh? Exactly.

'Happiness is Eggshaped' - The Seahorses
 
I liked that episode, especially when they made that knackers into an Ood.

But back to reality. Didn't Big Bad Gordon Brown say he was okay with that stuff? I distinctly remember thinking, "he's not such a twat after all, better than that frigging religious lunatic Blair".

Or was I hallucinating?
 
charver said:
It is quite uncanny isn't it? Some may say having one's life governed by the songs one listens to may be a little inconvenient. But not i.

However, i have to say that the local Constabulary seem to be so much happier since i mislaid my copy of NWA's 'Fuck the Police'.
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I think in terms of dissing the cops NWA are fairly piss weak. I much prefer The Clash. "The Guns of Brixton" and "Police and Thieves" to name just two. At least they had some sort of foundation in something other than, "we gonna diss the pigs and make bucks".

I can smell an exploiter a continent away.
 
Diuretic said:
I liked that episode, especially when they made that knackers into an Ood.

But back to reality. Didn't Big Bad Gordon Brown say he was okay with that stuff? I distinctly remember thinking, "he's not such a twat after all, better than that frigging religious lunatic Blair".

Or was I hallucinating?
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This is one thing i can't criticise the Great Leader for. Most of the opposition has come from the churches. I don't think there are the numbers in the Commons to introduce a ban and it's a free vote so i'd imagine we'll continue giving hope to people struck down with all manner of terrible diseases.

I must admit i didn't think anyone would recognise the Ood. Damn you Diuretic and your knowledge of British television.
 
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