What Song Are You Listening To, Right Now?
- Thread starter charver
- Start date
charver
You lookin' at my pint?
Good Morning from miserable, rainy England.
No doubt America is currently tucked up in bed with a cold compress on the forehead, alternating between sipping a hot lemon drink and coughing up hulking great lumps of phlegm into disposable tissues. A clear case of football fever, if ever i saw it. Not that pathetic man-cold that you call football but proper Influenza style football which you crudely insist on labelling "soccer".
Yes, that's right, on this very evening the American Eagles are in town to do battle with the mighty Englands, at the new Wembley stadium, in that there London.
With our new Italian coach, Fabio Capellos, eager to display his supreme tactical nous and each and every English heart burning with resentment at recent footballing failure the scene is set for an encounter of monstrous proportions. The combustibility quotient is set to Krakatoa. The Chinese are already secretly preying the reverberations at kick-off will not send what remains of their real estate crashing to the ground.
The press over here are so excited that they have steadfastly refused to mention it in any detail whatsoever.
So brace yourselves, America, for the mother of all battles, an almighty spanking and a withering look on the stroke of full-time from Fabio and his designer spectacles of doom. (Prediction a rather dull 0 - 0 stalemate)
Play up England.
'O What A Glorious Thing' - Akira the Don
No doubt America is currently tucked up in bed with a cold compress on the forehead, alternating between sipping a hot lemon drink and coughing up hulking great lumps of phlegm into disposable tissues. A clear case of football fever, if ever i saw it. Not that pathetic man-cold that you call football but proper Influenza style football which you crudely insist on labelling "soccer".
Yes, that's right, on this very evening the American Eagles are in town to do battle with the mighty Englands, at the new Wembley stadium, in that there London.
With our new Italian coach, Fabio Capellos, eager to display his supreme tactical nous and each and every English heart burning with resentment at recent footballing failure the scene is set for an encounter of monstrous proportions. The combustibility quotient is set to Krakatoa. The Chinese are already secretly preying the reverberations at kick-off will not send what remains of their real estate crashing to the ground.
The press over here are so excited that they have steadfastly refused to mention it in any detail whatsoever.
So brace yourselves, America, for the mother of all battles, an almighty spanking and a withering look on the stroke of full-time from Fabio and his designer spectacles of doom. (Prediction a rather dull 0 - 0 stalemate)
Play up England.
'O What A Glorious Thing' - Akira the Don
Last edited:
charver
You lookin' at my pint?
We have an Italian coach? Crap. Now we'll be the floppers!
Well, if we win I'll overlook that. And pretend it isn't happening... I will, in fact, become a bit Italian.
No, no, no, Damo.
Your coach is called Bob, not Fabio.
After we sacked our last manager the Football Association resolved to make a list of successful English coaches imbued with a surfeit of experience, a mind for modern ideas and a bulging trophy cabinet. After sucking a thoughtful tooth for a month or so they returned holding aloft a blank piece of paper.
Consequently, we got straight on the phone to an Italian and offered him a suitcase full of cash in return for making us win things. America has the honour of being a pawn in Fabio's grand plan for English footballing mastery
Ohh... So you will be the floppers then? It's been shown to work, ya know... You would be amazed at the dearth of information we have about our team here. It's almost impossible to find a local story on it.
charver
You lookin' at my pint?
There isn't an Englishman alive who looks forward to prospective floppage. That much i can guarantee. Moreover, just the other day i overheard two ladies bemoaning the fact that their footballer boyfriends did not go down easily despite their forceful urging.
Yeah, i had a look to find out about who America was playing in that match in Denver you were thinking of going to and the websites were uniquely unhelpful in furnishing any sort of information.
I like that song.
uscitizen
Villified User
I am my own grandpa - Moe jaffe
Many many years ago when I
was twenty three,
I got married to a widow who
was pretty as could be.
This widow had a grown-up daughter
Who had hair of red.
My father fell in love with her,
And soon the two were wed.
This made my dad my son-in-law
And changed my very life.
My daughter was my mother,
For she was my father's wife.
To complicate the matters worse,
Although it brought me joy,
I soon became the father
Of a bouncing baby boy.
My little baby then became
A brother-in-law to dad.
And so became my uncle,
[ Find more Lyrics at www.mp3lyrics.org/9HvQ ]
Though it made me very sad.
For if he was my uncle,
Then that also made him brother
To the widow's grown-up daughter
Who, of course, was my step-mother.
Father's wife then had a son,
Who kept them on the run.
And he became my grandson,
For he was my daughter's son.
My wife is now my mother's mother
And it makes me blue.
Because, although she is my wife,
She's my grandmother, too.
If my wife is my grandmother,
Then I am her grandchild.
And every time I think of it,
It simply drives me wild.
For now I have become
The strangest case you ever saw.
As the husband of my grandmother,
I am my own grandpa!
Many many years ago when I
was twenty three,
I got married to a widow who
was pretty as could be.
This widow had a grown-up daughter
Who had hair of red.
My father fell in love with her,
And soon the two were wed.
This made my dad my son-in-law
And changed my very life.
My daughter was my mother,
For she was my father's wife.
To complicate the matters worse,
Although it brought me joy,
I soon became the father
Of a bouncing baby boy.
My little baby then became
A brother-in-law to dad.
And so became my uncle,
[ Find more Lyrics at www.mp3lyrics.org/9HvQ ]
Though it made me very sad.
For if he was my uncle,
Then that also made him brother
To the widow's grown-up daughter
Who, of course, was my step-mother.
Father's wife then had a son,
Who kept them on the run.
And he became my grandson,
For he was my daughter's son.
My wife is now my mother's mother
And it makes me blue.
Because, although she is my wife,
She's my grandmother, too.
If my wife is my grandmother,
Then I am her grandchild.
And every time I think of it,
It simply drives me wild.
For now I have become
The strangest case you ever saw.
As the husband of my grandmother,
I am my own grandpa!
charver
You lookin' at my pint?
I'm most surprised that the United States is not mooching around a darkened house this morning, sipping dolefully on a bottle of bourbon, cursing loudly at flowerpots and kicking kittens through open windows (or if you're a supporter of Lady T's campaign, through closed windows).
Your footballers took one hell of a beating last night at the hands of England's men of iron.
2-0 since you ask.
England were bad enough and America bloody awful. Terrible game. Stunk the place right out it did.
'Horror Show' - The Libertines
Your footballers took one hell of a beating last night at the hands of England's men of iron.
2-0 since you ask.
England were bad enough and America bloody awful. Terrible game. Stunk the place right out it did.
'Horror Show' - The Libertines
Was there much flopping as I predicted? I will never get over seeing those wimply Italians all grabbing their knees and falling to the ground every time a player got near them at the last World Cup, and now you went and got yourself a coach with garlic breath...
charver
You lookin' at my pint?
That does surprise me, US.
I was labouring under the misapprehension that soccer in the US was sweeping the nation like a sporting crystal meth.
charver
You lookin' at my pint?
"Fame! I'm gonna live forever. I'm gonna learn how to fly."
That's what those precocious performing arts school spunktrumpets predicted for themselves in the 80's tv show "Fame". Well i'd be pretty confident of winning a wager with any of the cast willing to prove they have acquired the gift of self-propelled take off. And as far as living forever goes, casting a sideways glance at the obituary column would seem to indicate a lack of success in that field as well.
But for the youngsters of today, with no memory of New York's stage school alumni, the path to fame, fortune and drug addiction can be found in a most unexpected place. Oh yes, the herd of one-dimensional wannabes can be found grazing in front of an audience of simpletons, tuning in for their latest fix of Simon Cowells and his impossibly high-waisted trousers. But there is another, somewhat less orthodox, route being pioneered by one Natascha Kampusch.
You may remember Natascha as the young Austrian girl who was abducted, at the age of 10, and held captive in a cellar for eight years. Although don't confuse her with the Austrian girl who was held captive in a cellar by her dad or any of the other Austrian girls currently imprisoned in underground bunkers. Anyway, young Natascha is now a chat show host. When you think about it having been locked in a cellar for eight years you'd probably really want to talk to people, a lot. And she's getting paid for it, which nobody can begrudge.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/europe/7430144.stm
Trouble is, you know how the television industry works. If the show is a hit rival tv stations will want a slice of the pie and it won't be long before every network will want their own attractive cellar girl for chat shows, light-hearted political commentary and cellar renovation programmes. Luckily for Austria you can't poke round a Viennese basement, these days, without stumbling across a fruity fraulein chained to a radiator.
Come on America, if you want success for your daughter, or someone else's daughter, then get soundproofing that basement today.
'Going Underground' - The Jam
That's what those precocious performing arts school spunktrumpets predicted for themselves in the 80's tv show "Fame". Well i'd be pretty confident of winning a wager with any of the cast willing to prove they have acquired the gift of self-propelled take off. And as far as living forever goes, casting a sideways glance at the obituary column would seem to indicate a lack of success in that field as well.
But for the youngsters of today, with no memory of New York's stage school alumni, the path to fame, fortune and drug addiction can be found in a most unexpected place. Oh yes, the herd of one-dimensional wannabes can be found grazing in front of an audience of simpletons, tuning in for their latest fix of Simon Cowells and his impossibly high-waisted trousers. But there is another, somewhat less orthodox, route being pioneered by one Natascha Kampusch.
You may remember Natascha as the young Austrian girl who was abducted, at the age of 10, and held captive in a cellar for eight years. Although don't confuse her with the Austrian girl who was held captive in a cellar by her dad or any of the other Austrian girls currently imprisoned in underground bunkers. Anyway, young Natascha is now a chat show host. When you think about it having been locked in a cellar for eight years you'd probably really want to talk to people, a lot. And she's getting paid for it, which nobody can begrudge.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/europe/7430144.stm
Trouble is, you know how the television industry works. If the show is a hit rival tv stations will want a slice of the pie and it won't be long before every network will want their own attractive cellar girl for chat shows, light-hearted political commentary and cellar renovation programmes. Luckily for Austria you can't poke round a Viennese basement, these days, without stumbling across a fruity fraulein chained to a radiator.
Come on America, if you want success for your daughter, or someone else's daughter, then get soundproofing that basement today.
'Going Underground' - The Jam
charver
You lookin' at my pint?
As i understand it, the United States Homeland Security Department (third floor just past Sporting Goods, if you reach ladies bras then you've gone too far) is going to issue new guidelines for Britons wanting to visit your fair nation. Britain and America are old mates, of course, managing to set aside our minor disagreements in favour of taking it out on the Germans and, as such, we don't have to go through that bothersome visa bidness.
However, post-colonial British tourists are going to be told that they have to be registered, like inter-continental sex offenders, at least 72 hours before arrival. It has also been muted that we should include a programme of events to let the authorities know where we'll be during our stay.
http://www.guardian.co.uk/travel/2008/jun/03/terrorismandtravel.terrorism
"The United States has already locked down her land borders securely, leaving international airports as the only possible way for terrorists to enter United States territory", said a spokesman for Homeland Security. "The modern terrorist is a sophisticated creature but we have means of differentiating the terrorist from the innocent traveller.
The authorities are confident of success. "In the same way we have successfully excluded Communist sympathisers, in previous years, by asking the question 'Have you ever been a Communist?' we already have plans to introduce the question 'Are you planning on blowing anything American up?'"
It is understood that a crack team of law enforcement specialists will scrutinise foreign tourist travel plans for evidence of terrorist-based activity. One unnamed officer said,"We'll be looking for certain tell-tale signs which give the terrorist away. For instance, we know from the internet that people called Mohammed are 48% more likely to hate freedom than normal people"
I think i'm holidaying somewhere else this year.
'Things You Should Be Knowing' - The Cribs
However, post-colonial British tourists are going to be told that they have to be registered, like inter-continental sex offenders, at least 72 hours before arrival. It has also been muted that we should include a programme of events to let the authorities know where we'll be during our stay.
http://www.guardian.co.uk/travel/2008/jun/03/terrorismandtravel.terrorism
"The United States has already locked down her land borders securely, leaving international airports as the only possible way for terrorists to enter United States territory", said a spokesman for Homeland Security. "The modern terrorist is a sophisticated creature but we have means of differentiating the terrorist from the innocent traveller.
The authorities are confident of success. "In the same way we have successfully excluded Communist sympathisers, in previous years, by asking the question 'Have you ever been a Communist?' we already have plans to introduce the question 'Are you planning on blowing anything American up?'"
It is understood that a crack team of law enforcement specialists will scrutinise foreign tourist travel plans for evidence of terrorist-based activity. One unnamed officer said,"We'll be looking for certain tell-tale signs which give the terrorist away. For instance, we know from the internet that people called Mohammed are 48% more likely to hate freedom than normal people"
I think i'm holidaying somewhere else this year.
'Things You Should Be Knowing' - The Cribs
Last edited: