What Song Are You Listening To, Right Now?

Greetings from Atlantis.

As you may, or may not, be aware some parts of the UK have endured a little rain, a somewhat alien concept in our desert kingdom. As a consequence of this so-called precipitation, which probably has something to do with Al-Qaeda, Britain finds itself submerged under a sea of rotting stink-water, miscellaneous detritus and a bewildering variety of both human and animal excrement. Much more than usual and not in a good way, either.

Any right-thinking chap is, no doubt, asking the question - "Does this herald the coming of the Apocalypse?"

I would say to thee, "When did all this damned rain start?".

The answer - When Gordon Browns took over from that nice Tony Blairs as Prime Minister. Now it all becomes clear. Sure, meteorologists, climatologists and proctologists spin their carefully constructed web of lies but as each prophesy is fulfilled the mist clears and the truth is revealed.

I put it to you, sinners, that Gordon Browns is the Anti-Christ. The floods, the demise of Harry Potter (who'd have thought it would end with Harry being diagnosed HIV positive, eh?), a European winning a major golf tournament.

The jury has returned and the verdict is guilty. Guilty, i say.

'God Only Knows' - Beach Boys
 
We are slowly sinking! I hereby recant my atheist ways and announce that I shall be building an ark, bringing in creatures two by two. Starting with lapdancers..

Raindrops keep fallin' on my head - Sacha Distel
 
charver said:
Greetings from Atlantis.

As you may, or may not, be aware some parts of the UK have endured a little rain, a somewhat alien concept in our desert kingdom. As a consequence of this so-called precipitation, which probably has something to do with Al-Qaeda, Britain finds itself submerged under a sea of rotting stink-water, miscellaneous detritus and a bewildering variety of both human and animal excrement. Much more than usual and not in a good way, either.

Any right-thinking chap is, no doubt, asking the question - "Does this herald the coming of the Apocalypse?"

I would say to thee, "When did all this damned rain start?".
Click to expand...
Will this wind be so mighty as to lay low the moutains of the earth?
 
American Girl - Tom Petty

I so don't feel like working today. I have my ipod on and I'm singing to myself. I don't care.
 
Time to say Goodbye - Sarah Brightman and Andrea Bocelli

That whole cd makes me so relaxed, it's like being carried away by pure beauty.
 
Anger does not even begin to describe the ire burning in one's breast this very morning.

"Prey tell, what heinous event is responsible for such a violent reaction", you are probably not asking.

They are trying to ban patio heaters.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/6914276.stm

Yes you heard me correctly. Can you believe it? Apparently, they use "energy". That is absolutely preposterous as mine runs on good old fashioned British gas.

"You're destroying the environment", these eco-fascists shout. Am i? Am i really? What is more important in this world, some far-fetched notion of falling sea levels, ozone eating greenhouses and carbon bigfoots or my ability to stroll around one's garden clad in shirt-sleeves without succumbing to the perishing chill of a deadly mild breeze.

We shall fight them on the beaches, we shall fight them on the patios and the lawns, we shall fight them on the streets and in the grounds of luxury hotels. We shall never surrender.

'Staying out for the Summer' - Dodgy
 
The old Tour De France (that's Tour of France for non-French speakers) is in a bit of a pickle this morning with teams being expelled left, right and, indeed, centre. Riders missing drug tests, being caught injecting testosterone and quite fantastically, swapping their blood for some with a little more oxygen or gasoline or something in it.

It's a far cry from the old days of proper cycling when there were none of these pampered riders, HRT or carbolic spheroids. No it was all uphill and the rider, having no support from team cars following on behind, had to carry all their equipment with them, relying only on their sharp wits, their fortitude and copious amounts of cocaine or amphetamine sulphate to see them through. And they had wooden bikes, probably

'How High' - Charlatans
 
Bloaters, fatties, porkers and Americans: Put down that artery busting burger, set aside that bar of chocolate covered lard and haul your sorry carcasses out of that comfy chair. Get down on your flabby knees and prey to Jesus.

The men in white coats have done it, my corpulent friends.

You have lived with the whispered insults, the small children pointing and laughing in the street and the indignity of having the fire department free you from the cake shop doorway. No longer, do you hear? No more shall you suffer the sneering and taunting. No more, for you, the burden of blame.

You are not responsible for your fat. Obesity is contagious.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/6914397.stm

It wasn't lack of exercise that did for you; blame it on an infected batch of pies crawling with obesity germs; blame it on that portly gentleman you used to pass on the way to school every morning; blame it on the Soviet Union and their roly-poly army of plague carrying KGB fat-men, placed on public transport with orders to sneeze in the faces of God-fearing peoples everywhere.

'You're the One for Me, Fatty' - The Smiths
 
Last edited:
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top