What Song Are You Listening To, Right Now?
- Thread starter charver
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charver
You lookin' at my pint?
Presents, eh?
What to purchase for long-forgotten relatives turning up out of the blue after years in the wilderness? Did you give those people the same thing last year? At what age is it suitable to give pornography to a nephew? Just a few of the many questions we have asked ourselves before embarking on that pre-Christmas shopping trip.
Yes, 9 times out of ten it'll be some chocolates, a bottle of whisky or a subscription to Reader's Wives, but the real problem comes when looking for that extree special item for the one you love most in the world. No not yourself you selfish oaf. I speak of one's current beau, lady-friend, some say blart.
Before slapping down the cash i like to weigh up a number of factors, namely
1.Length of time together
2.Current bank balance
3.Time left before shops close
It is surprising how common it is that the answer to that complicated girlfriend gift equation results in - cheap whorish low quality underwear. You know you'll regret it afterwards but it just has to be done. Christmas is the only time of the year one feels vaguely comfortable entering a saucy-knicker emporium in good conscience, but one doesn't want to linger too long, you understand, for fear of being tarred with the brush of the nonce. Just grab something with unorthodox holes in it and make your getaway.
'Return the Gift' - Gang of Four
What to purchase for long-forgotten relatives turning up out of the blue after years in the wilderness? Did you give those people the same thing last year? At what age is it suitable to give pornography to a nephew? Just a few of the many questions we have asked ourselves before embarking on that pre-Christmas shopping trip.
Yes, 9 times out of ten it'll be some chocolates, a bottle of whisky or a subscription to Reader's Wives, but the real problem comes when looking for that extree special item for the one you love most in the world. No not yourself you selfish oaf. I speak of one's current beau, lady-friend, some say blart.
Before slapping down the cash i like to weigh up a number of factors, namely
1.Length of time together
2.Current bank balance
3.Time left before shops close
It is surprising how common it is that the answer to that complicated girlfriend gift equation results in - cheap whorish low quality underwear. You know you'll regret it afterwards but it just has to be done. Christmas is the only time of the year one feels vaguely comfortable entering a saucy-knicker emporium in good conscience, but one doesn't want to linger too long, you understand, for fear of being tarred with the brush of the nonce. Just grab something with unorthodox holes in it and make your getaway.
'Return the Gift' - Gang of Four
Women don't want underwear for Christmas, their birthdays, or Valentine's day. It doesn't matter if it's cheap or expensive. That's a gift that men buy themselves, and then give it to their girlfriends or wives as if it were a present for us.
When will men get that? How about if I buy you a string to put up your butt for christmas, how would you like it? Oh just what I always wanted, a string to put up my butt, how did you know?
Topspin
Verified User
and the manhatter is off..
that sounds like it's right out of the manhatters book chapter 3.
Men are the less developed in the brain dept dhula, we respond to your reactions.
So, despite your double digit teddy size now (ehwww) guys buy them cause hotties want them and want to be told how good they look in them.
that sounds like it's right out of the manhatters book chapter 3.
Men are the less developed in the brain dept dhula, we respond to your reactions.
So, despite your double digit teddy size now (ehwww) guys buy them cause hotties want them and want to be told how good they look in them.
Ok, one more time you retard, it's man-hater.
This has nothing to do with hats!
And women want jewelry you cheapskate.
Sure you have, but you're giving underwear as gifts! They don't sell underwear in the jewelry store Top, where are you buying this jewelry with a free undewear giftset, K-mart?
I once got a new car for Christmas. I guess you're looking pretty good when you're getting cars. I was really disappointed though, I wanted underwear!
hahhahaha
I looked good in that car though!
Nah, it was Dec 25th 2001 Top. You know nothing about me, but you know nothing about anything that you talk about, so...
So it seems you are saying that you don't buy your wife underwear for Christmas Top. That's odd, because you just told me that the only reason I wouldn't love to get underwear for Christmas would be because I'm too ugly or fat to look good in them.
So which is your wife, ugly or fat?
That is the only possible reason, right?
Topspin
Verified User
NO, like I told you before I'm smarther than most men.
or better but grew up around sisters and mom till she left us. That and bartending and seing morons strike out stupidly thousands of times you learn what not to do.
Now, why are you such a man hater. Have you ever give a man a car as a present?
or better but grew up around sisters and mom till she left us. That and bartending and seing morons strike out stupidly thousands of times you learn what not to do.
Now, why are you such a man hater. Have you ever give a man a car as a present?
charver
You lookin' at my pint?
Keeping some string up one's bottom was good enough to facilitate Grandfather's escape from Colditz, so it should be good enough for anyone else, damn it.
Sadly, i have to come clean and admit that, this year, there will be no prancing, dancing or romancing for this lovelorn cove. This Yuletide, Cupid, in his eternal wisdom, has shunned me like a Romanian orphan. I have nothing but my dignity, and that i shall probably lose in some seedy nightclub bar come Christmas Eve.
I see. So you were well aware that underwear is not a cool gift, but because I came out and said it, you pretended otherwise because you get off on harassing me because you have no other way of getting off.
I think we’re clear now.
Well, with a wit like the one you have, your unlucky in love streak won’t last long Charver.
charver
You lookin' at my pint?
This Christmas i'm wishing for a grant of planning permission for a girl's school catering for the visually impaired. Before you know it they'll all be making distorted clay heads of my hideous likeness, just like they did for Lionel Richie.
charver
You lookin' at my pint?
So, the weekend before Christmas is here.
I don't know about you, but i'll certainly be embracing this special time with gay abandon. Funny thing to name a child, eh, but it was the 70's and all that.
I ask you, is there a more joyous sight for the keen-eyed young singleton to behold than a merry menagerie of aled-up angels, weaving betwixt parked cars, clad in the skimpiest sexy Santa attire, fake antlers akimbo? If you're a lady who is not into other ladies, i concede that the answer may be a resounding...no, but that is by the bye.
Nothing says “It's Christmas” like a thick-set young lady sporting: a short-skirt, a suggestively named cocktail and a pair of novelty reindeer earrings; adopting the wit of Dorothy Parker when suggesting some gentleman may “come but once a year”, but one winner in the lottery of life will, perhaps, be “emptying his sack down my chimney” in the not too distant future.
Perhaps, i can look forward to pulling my own little Christmas cracker, eh? One disappointing bang and a lame joke before she decides it's more fun to play with her small plastic toy. A regrettably familiar story, what?
Onwards!
'Will Anything Happen?' - Blondie
I don't know about you, but i'll certainly be embracing this special time with gay abandon. Funny thing to name a child, eh, but it was the 70's and all that.
I ask you, is there a more joyous sight for the keen-eyed young singleton to behold than a merry menagerie of aled-up angels, weaving betwixt parked cars, clad in the skimpiest sexy Santa attire, fake antlers akimbo? If you're a lady who is not into other ladies, i concede that the answer may be a resounding...no, but that is by the bye.
Nothing says “It's Christmas” like a thick-set young lady sporting: a short-skirt, a suggestively named cocktail and a pair of novelty reindeer earrings; adopting the wit of Dorothy Parker when suggesting some gentleman may “come but once a year”, but one winner in the lottery of life will, perhaps, be “emptying his sack down my chimney” in the not too distant future.
Perhaps, i can look forward to pulling my own little Christmas cracker, eh? One disappointing bang and a lame joke before she decides it's more fun to play with her small plastic toy. A regrettably familiar story, what?
Onwards!
'Will Anything Happen?' - Blondie
charver
You lookin' at my pint?
Well, it's Christmas here in around 5 and a bit hours and i'm off to the pub, just to be sociable you understand. I'm sure that if Jesus was with us today he'd be going down the pub as well to do that water/wine thing. Although, i have to say, no self-respecting Northern gentleman would dream of ordering a wine in a boozer for fear of being labelled a “big girl's blouse” and playfully punched in the face...with a glass. That's Christmas alright.
Anyway, i intend to raise a glass of premium lager to the ickle baby Jesus and, who knows, i may just score a gram of Myrrh from three shifty looking coves gazing forlornly into the sky.
Hope everyone has a good one and best wishes to you and yours.
May Father Christmas have mercy on your soul.
'All I Want For Christmas Is A Dukla Prague Away Kit' – Half Man Half Biscuit
Anyway, i intend to raise a glass of premium lager to the ickle baby Jesus and, who knows, i may just score a gram of Myrrh from three shifty looking coves gazing forlornly into the sky.
Hope everyone has a good one and best wishes to you and yours.
May Father Christmas have mercy on your soul.
'All I Want For Christmas Is A Dukla Prague Away Kit' – Half Man Half Biscuit
Epicurus
Reasonable
I have nothing in common, musically with any of you people
I don't know about that LadyT.
You recognized the DJ Khaled i posted. I think we listen to some of the same shit.
